


Finding our Footing

by Turtlewatcher



Series: Home With You [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, M/M, POV Armin Arlert, POV Mikasa Ackerman, Slow Burn, arumika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turtlewatcher/pseuds/Turtlewatcher
Summary: Mikasa has developed feelings for Eren the summer before Junior year of college, but she isn't sure if it will lead anywhere.Armin has a lot on his plate with his aging grandfather and difficult course load as well as his own unresolved feelings for Mikasa.When Eren suddenly drops out, Mikasa will have to discover her independence. Armin chooses to distract himself with a fling rather than confront his deeper desires and risk losing his remaining best friend.Sasha is a true friend and will continue to eat all foods and partake in shenanigans with Connie.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Bertolt Hoover, Mikasa Ackerman/Armin Arlert, Unrequited Mikasa/Eren
Series: Home With You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762408
Comments: 30
Kudos: 58





	1. Moving In

"Pivot!" 

"Yes, Jean, we know!" Sasha grunted from underneath one end of the sofa. 

"Well whose idea was it to get a third floor apartment? Break!" Jean stopped and balanced his end on the railing. 

"The budget's idea, obviously," Sasha paused, too. 

"Oh, good, Mikasa has already caught up to us," Eren said somewhat sarcastically as he caught his breath with Sasha and Jean.

Mikasa had caught up to them just in time to hear their little scene. She carried one of Armin's boxes of books up the stairs. She was forced to stop, mostly due to the sofa blocking the way. Although, Armin's book box was not exactly light.

"Need a hand?" Mikasa said.

"We're fine." Eren grumbled.

"I don't know, Mika could probably take the couch up herself." Sasha laughed and Jean chuckled.

"Seriously. Anyway, we better get this thing up there sooner than later. Are you ready," Jean asked. Eren nodded. Sasha groaned, but she grabbed her end of the sofa.

Mikasa followed behind them slowly and watched their balance. She was thinking about ways she could quickly drop the box of books without harming any of its contents in the event that Sasha, Jean, or Eren lost control. 

_Armin would be willing to sacrifice a book or two for the sake of their safety,_ she thought, _but he may still get mad depending on which books got harmed._

Once the heavy, hand-me-down couch made it safely into the apartment Eren and Jean began debating where it should actually go. 

"Obviously, it should go over here," Jean walked over to one of the walls in the living room and gestured. This begins a mild argument between Jean and Eren about ideal seating arrangements.

"God, I don't even care. I just want to know when Armin and Connie are getting back with the pizza and beer," Sasha said as she plopped down next to her on the floor. Mikasa nodded and continued unpacking the boxes beside her. When did they leave? Maybe thirty minutes ago. 

"They will probably be back soon," Mikasa said, turning to Sasha. Sasha was now lying spread eagle on the floor.

"They better be!" Sasha rolled onto her stomach and started browsing her phone.

Mikasa looked up to see Jean and Eren sitting on the sofa, which was still in a random spot in the room since neither of them could come to an agreement. They were both on their phones, too, tired from moving all morning. She watched Eren. Her eyes traveled from his phone to his fingers and continued up his arm. His arms had gotten more defined after he had started going to the gym with her earlier that summer. There was sweat on his shirt that would normally be gross but she was starting to wonder what it might be like to take it off for him. Would his skin be firm like she imagined? 

"Heeyy, you there, girl?" Sasha poked her in the side. She was trying to show Mikasa a meme. 

"Um. Yes." Mikasa looked over at Sasha's phone to read whatever it was. A notification popped up from Connie. Mikasa was about to tell Sasha, but then he was calling.

"Hey, Connie! Are you here yet?" Sasha picked up the phone. "Oh, Armin. One second." She held the phone away from her. "Mikasa, can you text the gate code to Connie's phone?"

"Sure," Mikasa pulled out her phone.

"Finally, they're here," Jean said, standing up and stretching. Mikasa and Sasha went to the Kitchen to look for the plates among the boxes there. 

Mikasa had met Sasha at her College’s orientation. They were both studying to be nurses and had become friends quickly after a group assignment. Mikasa was quiet, but Sasha seemed to not mind about Mikasa’s lack of conversation. Once, she asked Sasha if it bothered her. Sasha said that she had plenty of conversation for the both of them and she knew Mikasa talked when she wanted to. 

Sasha had become Mikasa’s closest friend, not counting Eren and Armin who she had been friends with since they were kids. It was different with Sasha though since they were both women. Mikasa thought that on one hand gender should not really matter. On the other hand there was a different kind of intimacy than what she had with Eren or Armin. Sasha and her could sit around in their underwear and hang out doing nothing but talking if they wanted. Sure, she could do that with the guys, but that seemed weird. Especially considering her thoughts lately about Eren. Sasha probably could do that with Connie. Then again, Sasha and Connie were the most platonic of friends Mikasa had ever seen. 

“Dude, are you ok?” Sasha had her hands on her hips and was watching Mikasa stare at the box just a bit too long.

“Yes, sorry. Just tired. And thinking.” Mikasa smiled at Sasha, then pulled out some plates from the box. “But look what I found.”

“Plates! Excellent.” Sasha smiled back. 

There was a light knock at the door and then Armin let himself in with Connie right behind him. 

“Armin, Connie, what’s up!” Jean asked. “Armin, I haven’t seen you since the end of last year.” 

Armin smiled, “Hey, Jean. How are you doing?” Armin had spent most of his time over the summer helping to care for his aging grandfather. His uncle back home did what he could during the school year, but as his grandfather got older Armin wanted both to help and to spend time with him.

“Armin, how is Grampa Arlert doing,” Eren asked. He and Mikasa had not seen Armin as much as they usually did during summer because of his grandfather. Mikasa and Eren also were both working full-time the whole summer.

Mikasa saw Armin give a small smile. He seemed tired.

“He’s doing ok, just getting older,” Armin replied. 

“Ok, that’s good I guess. Right?” asked Eren before patting Armin on the back and taking the pack of beer from his hands. Armin shrugged and gave half a smile. Connie and Jean had already made their way to the kitchen. Connie had the pizzas as well as a bottle of vodka. 

“Housewarming,” Connie said, handing the bottle to Mikasa. “Well, apartment warming.”

Mikasa took the bottle, raised an eyebrow, and put it on the counter. “Thanks,” she said, and went to grab some pizza. As she reached for her slice, Eren’s hand brushed against hers. Her heart jumped a little. She felt a blush beginning. Did he notice?

“My bad, go ahead,” Eren said. Was he looking into her eyes? Or maybe he was just looking at her because that is what people do when you run into each other reaching for pizza. Why did she feel this way? Before this summer she never thought about Eren as anything but a brother.

Mikasa grabbed her plate and went to sit on the floor by Sasha. Sasha popped open her beer and said, “No beer for you, Mika?”

“No, I’m going to the gym first thing tomorrow morning.”

“But it’s the first day of classes!”

“Then I should start my routine now. Besides, nobody is at the campus gym right when it opens and I like that.”

“Figures you would. Well I’ll sleep through your alarm anyway.” Sasha said this and then began to pick up the picked-off pepperonis from Mikasa’s plate. There was no need to ask, it was ritual at this point.

“Just don’t sleep through your own alarm, Sasha,” Mikasa replied.

“That’s why I have three!”

Connie and Jean stayed to have a few beers with Sasha and Eren while Mikasa and Armin had water and everyone chatted. At some point Sasha and Mikasa moved the couch to a proper location. By the time Jean and Eren noticed they did not care anymore about where it went. Besides, Mikasa and Sasha put it in a completely different location that neither of them had proposed, so Jean and Eren had nothing to say “See, I told you!” about.

After a while, Jean and Connie left to return to their dorm. Eren was on one end of the couch playing a game on his phone while Armin sat on the other end reading a book he grabbed from the nearest box. When reading, he would get focused and his features would look stern. Eren called this Armin's "resting book face." However, when Mikasa and Sasha said goodnight Armin looked up and his face softened.

“Goodnight.” Armin said. Eren mumbled something that sounded like a goodnight without looking up from his phone.

\- 

Laying in bed, lights already out, Sasha turned her face towards Mikasa's bed. “So, is everything ok with you? You seemed distracted earlier.”

“I’m fine. I was just thinking.”

“About?”

Mikasa paused. “Well… Can I tell you something?”

Sasha paused, too, now feeling serious. “Of course, what is it?”

“I, um. I think I have a crush on Eren.”

Sasha let out her breath and laughed a little. “Mikasa, don’t scare me like that, I thought something was actually wrong. Eren? Did something happen over the summer? I thought he was like a brother to you.”

“I guess. Nothing in particular. I don’t know. We started hanging out just the two of us more often. Armin has been really busy with his grandpa and Eren’s work schedule was really similar to mine. He started going to the gym with me and -”

Sasha interrupted, “Ooh, excited now that he’s getting all buff?”

“I don’t know! I just started noticing one day.”

“Noticing what, his muscles?”

“No, not that. Well, yes, but that’s not it. He just seemed different suddenly. He’s more patient than he used to be and thinks things through more.” Mikasa thought about how reserved Eren had been the last few months, especially compared to how hot-headed and stubborn he usually was. 

“Yeah, he does seem different this year. More mature or something. Or at least quieter than before for sure. Are you going to do anything?”

“I don’t know.” Mikasa had asked herself this already and had no answer for either Sasha or herself. “I’m not sure that he feels the same way and I wouldn’t want to make things weird.”

“I get that. You could try flirting?”

“I guess. I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Which was true. Mikasa had not put a lot of thought into romantic interests up until now. She could be surprisingly awkward when interested in someone. She did not typically worry about what other people thought. That seemed to change when Eren looked at her with those eyes of his and she found herself suddenly pinned in place and nervous.

“I don’t know, maybe just try touching his arm or asking him out for coffee? Isn’t that stuff supposed to work?” Sasha suggested. 

Mikasa snorted, “Yeah, ok. ‘Hey, Eren, you are totally my brother but also do you want a coffee date and can I touch your arm?’ Thanks, Sash, but I think I’ll just wait and see for a little while.”

“Whatever you want to do. Let me know if there’s anything you want my help with.”

“Thanks. I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight.”

“‘Night.”


	2. Movie Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Eren stay up late together after a night of studying.

Midterms were fast approaching. The four roommates huddled around their kitchen table, studying late into the night. Sasha was looking suspiciously inert, her hair hanging and obscuring whether she was actually ready. Mikasa clapped only once, but it was plenty loud. Sasha’s head whipped back up. 

“Awake! Not sleepi-ahhhwww” Sasha’s sentence was cut off by one long yawn.

Mikasa and Armin had not even noticed Eren falling asleep until he sputtered awake with Mikasa’s clap for Sasha.

“Hopeless.” Armin rolled his eyes, his gaze landing to lock eyes with Mikasa’s. With a flat expression she simply shook her head. He smiled at her warmly. 

“We’re awake.” Eren looked annoyed but didn’t say anything else. Sasha teasingly pushed on Eren’s shoulder, and he tried to frown but could not stay mad with Sasha smiling and nudging him. Her good mood was infectious. 

“I know, I know,” he mumbled, smiling a little and looking up. His eyes met with Mikasa’s and her breath caught; she did not look away. It was not until he looked away that she realized she had been staring deeply into those green eyes. They seemed mysterious lately, as if to represent Eren's newfound aloofness this semester. 

Mikasa looked back down at her books and notes, but was not actually absorbing any information. She held her pen while her hand just rested against the paper. She wanted so badly to figure out what was going on in his head these days. When they had moved in she thought they would become closer. If anything, he was drifting away. She wished he would share his thoughts with her, to confide in her. He could tell her whatever he was worrying about and she could brush the stray hair out of his face and tell him she was there for him. Then they would both lean in and she would kiss him softly but deeply. Surely, she could chase away what was bothering him if she could just press her body against his warm -

_CLAP!_

“Ah!” Mikasa jumped in her chair, sitting straight up. Eren was smiling mischievously, his hands still hovering after having clapped right in her face. Sasha laughed loudly and was thumping her side of the table, the other hand on her stomach as she bent over. “Ha! You, too!” Sasha managed to squeak out between laughs. Armin’s laugh was muffled with his face in his arms, bent onto the table. His shoulders shook a few times and then he sat up, still laughing, with his bangs sticking out in funny directions. Eren was more chuckling than laughing, but he stared impishly at Mikasa who could feel the embarrassment creeping all the way up her ears. 

“It must be too late if you’re falling asleep.” Sasha said. She was still grinning ear to ear, and wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye.

“Too late to study, for sure. It’s already 2 AM. We should just stay up the rest of the night at this rate.” Eren suggested.

Armin shook his head, smiling. “If it’s too late to study then what are we supposed to do until morning?”

“Watch a dumb movie?” 

“I think I’ll have to pass and just go to bed.” Armin started gathering his stuff up. 

“Old man,” said Eren.

“Call me old lady then, Eren. I’m out, too.” Sasha left her stuff in a pile, stood up at once, and marched straight to bed.

“Ok, nevermind I guess.” Eren began to stack his books when Mikasa spoke up.

“I'll stay up with you.”

“Are you sure? What about your morning gym routine?”

“I could skip a day.” Mikasa didn’t really want to skip a gym day, but she did really want to watch a movie just her and Eren on the couch.

“Ok, if you’re sure.” Eren walked over to the living room. “What should we watch?”

“I don’t know, whatever you want.”

Eren rolled his eyes and selected the first movie in his queue, sitting down on one end of the couch. Mikasa sat down in the middle, wanting to be closer. From here she could smell his cologne and feel the warmth of his body next to her. He did not move away, so she let her shoulder brush against his. Eren still did not move but Mikasa did not dare to get closer. But perhaps this was her chance to pick his brain.

“Eren, is something bothering you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You seem worried lately.” _And quiet,_ she thought but did not add.

“I’m just busy.” It was not the first time Eren was blowing off her concerns, but Mikasa felt herself grow disappointed. She had thought that maybe he would open up to her. She was supposed to be his best friend. Well, her and Armin. However, she was pretty sure that Eren was not opening up to Armin either.

“Ok. You know I’m here for you, right?” She looked at him hopefully. He looked back at her, his face not so far from her own.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.” 

With that, he returned his focus to the movie. Mikasa felt disappointed and weirdly cold. If Eren would not talk, maybe he would respond to touch still. 

“I’m tired.” It was not a lie, but Mikasa did not have to voice it aloud. She hoped it would make what she was going to do seem more normal. She laid her head to the side, letting it fall on Eren’s shoulder. It was such a simple thing, but her heart thumped and she could not think about anything except the part of her cheek that was touching his bare shoulder where his t-shirt did not cover. His skin was warm and his shoulders were strong. It was not the first time she had done this, but it was not a common occurrence either. Besides, it had not meant the same thing to her then as it did now.

_Does it mean anything to him?_

Her eyes fought to stay open in the event that Eren would react to this new input. It was almost 3 AM and staying awake was becoming increasingly difficult. Especially now that she was there with Eren who had not rejected her body touching his. Not that he had responded, but she chose to overlook it at the moment. The urge to sleep was winning.

-

Mikasa woke up disoriented and to the sounds of rain. She squeezed her eyes closed, refusing to open them yet. Wait, that was not rain. No, that was... sizzling? The smell of bacon registered and she started to recognize the sounds of somebody moving around the kitchen. Which must mean she was still on the couch. She slowly cracked open her eyes.

“And good morning to you, Madame.” Sasha waved her fork in a circle and pretended to bow. “Don’t worry, I made some for you, too. We have class in half an hour. Coffee?”

Mikasa nodded, still sleepy. She had sat up now and her first thought was not about whether or not Sasha had made her a breakfast. When had Eren left? Mikasa noticed a blanket was around her and that made her smile at least. 

“So did you and Eren stay up?”

“Sort of. I fell asleep halfway through the movie. I don’t know if Eren stayed up after that.”

“I thought I heard him leave for work this morning. Even if he did sleep it couldn’t have been for very long.” Sasha paused and narrowed her eyes. “Soooo?”

“So, what?”

“C’mon you know what I mean. Did anything happen?” Maybe Mikasa should never have confided in Sasha about this Eren thing after all.

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t _think_ so? Weren’t you there?”

Mikasa had come to lean against the counter next to Sasha. “I sat close to him.”

“That’s it?”

“I sat close and he didn’t move away. I put my head on his shoulder but then I just got so sleepy and I guess I passed out.”

“Wow. Showstopper right here. So, did he do anything or what?”

Mikasa just shook her head and Sasha frowned. “Maybe you’re being too subtle. This is Eren we’re talking about.” Mikasa shrugged and mumbled, “Maybe,” under her breath. Sasha heard her but said nothing and just handed her a freshly filled coffee thermos.

“Well I’m going to get dressed and you probably should, too. The metro leaves in 10 minutes.”

Mikasa set the coffee down on the counter and went to get dressed. Could Sasha be right?


	3. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew attends a house party thrown by Hitch, Pieck, Reiner and Bertolt. Bertolt invites Armin to the dance floor, to the shock of the witnesses. Eren causes a scene.

Professor Hange had just finished helping him review his lab notes when Armin realized he was running late. His professor, who was also his lab advisor, had a habit of going on tangents. They were especially lengthy if you were listening to them. Which Armin nearly always was. He quickly and neatly stacked his books and returned everything to its place in his backpack. When his phone started buzzing he already knew who it would be.

“Dude, where are you? Are you trying to spend your own birthday in that lab?” Armin rolled his eyes. Eren never really did bother to understand why Armin spent so much time at the lab. Not like it was going to impact his career or anything... 

“Even Porco and Marlowe are here,” Eren continued, “and you know they are literally always at the Architecture building.” Eren was talking loudly into the phone, competing for volume with whatever dance music was on in the background. 

_I must be pretty late if Marlowe is there,_ Armin thought. He checked his phone quickly with Eren still on the line. _When did it get past ten? Still early for Porco or Marlowe, though. They must have finished a deadline recently._

“Sorry, Professor Hange was reviewing my notes. You know how they are.” Armin was not sure Eren actually did know about his Professor’s lengthy explanations because he was not convinced Eren was really listening when Armin talked about it. Eren used to listen to Armin talk about his classes, but lately he always seemed stuck in his own head.

He continued, “Time got away from me. I’m heading back to the apartment now. I’ll see you at the party.” Armin grabbed his backpack and closed the lab behind him. They were all supposed to be meeting at a house party thrown by some of the Art majors and their friends. Armin and his friends knew them through Connie, who was studying Sculpture, and who might as well be getting a Minor in party planning. It was one of his true talents.

The people living at said house were Hitch, Pieck, Reiner and Bertolt. They were all a year above Armin and his friends. Hitch was in Art History, but met Connie through some mutual requisite classes. Pieck studied sculpture and shared a supply locker with Connie. Reiner and Bertolt were two business majors who grew up with Pieck and they both were big deals on their respective University sports teams. Not that Armin would know first hand since he had only been to one game when Eren and Jean dragged him to watch the Homecoming game one year. Marlowe and Porco were Architecture majors who seemed to always hang around Pieck and Hitch. 

Typically, Armin did not see much of any of that group. He spent a lot of time in the library studying, in the research lab, or simply hanging out at the apartment, so his social circles were a little smaller than someone like Connie’s. He still liked a good party every once in a while, though, and was looking forward to seeing everybody that night.

When he got back to the apartment, Mikasa was lounging on the sofa, flipping through one of his books. He secretly enjoyed the fact that she took interest in his books. 

“You aren’t going to the party?” He asked.

“Sure, I just thought I would wait for you. You know right now it’s just going to be Sasha and Connie getting a head start on jello shots.” 

“Yeah, that’s true.” He chuckled. “Do you want me to order a ride?”

“No, that’s ok, I got one already. It will be here in ten minutes, so if you want to change you should do that now. Oh, and happy birthday.” Mikasa smiled at him. He stood there, looking at her, probably for too long.

“Th-thanks, Mikasa.” Did he just stutter? He went to his bedroom quickly to change, finding himself standing there and wondering if she would think anything of his new sweater. 

He had always admired Mikasa; lately he thought it was more than that. His throat tightened a bit whenever they locked eyes and he had been thinking about her more often. Of course, they had grown up together and he thought there probably wasn’t room for something more than a brother-sister relationship. However, she was paying a lot more attention to Eren these days. Armin couldn’t help but wonder if he was just seeing things. He was sure he noticed her fretting over Eren a little more and watching him longer than usual. Occasionally, she would touch Eren’s arm and look anxiously into his face in a way that was not quite sisterly.

A knock on his door. Right, their ride was probably there. He left the bedroom and rejoined Mikasa.

“That looks nice, is it new?” She pointed at his sweater. 

“Yes, I bought it a few days ago.” _She noticed. She thinks it’s nice._ He almost blushed and tried not to show any reaction. Mikasa just nodded and walked out their front door. He followed her to the car where they sat in the back seat and he thought he would not mind if she had been in the middle seat. 

Their arrival at the party, however, made him wish he had not even considered it. Considered her. Standing outside was Eren and Jean. They were bantering about who had brought the better tequila. As soon as Mikasa stepped out of the car, she went straight to Eren and hugged him hello. She did not usually hug anyone, not even Armin or Sasha. Her hand lingered on Eren’s bicep and for a second Armin thought she actually looked nervous, which was a rare expression on Mikasa. She said only “Hi” to Jean, barely glancing at him, who rolled his eyes. Jean had asked her out a long time ago, but she turned him down. He never pestered her about it, but he was annoyed at her interest in Eren, friendly or otherwise. Jean and Eren were friends, but Jean did not bother hiding that he still thought Eren was kind of an idiot.

She pulled back from Eren and said, “You look great.” Armin felt his heart sink. Eren did look great. His hair was in an easy bun and he wore his typical long hoodie. Maybe Armin should have left his hair long. Armin only had a nice sweater. To make things worse, Eren just rolled his eyes and said, “Sure, thanks.” He either did not notice or was being willfully ignorant to Mikasa’s hints. It being Eren, Armin would not be surprised if it was simple obliviousness. What would happen if Eren ever did notice? Armin’s heart sank a little more. Surely Eren would not let Mikasa pass him by, would he? If so, Jean might have a point.

Armin walked up to Jean. “I think we should get ourselves a drink.”

Jean was a little surprised at Armin being the first to bring it up, but started walking towards the house with him. “Yes, definitely.”

As predicted, Sasha and Connie were right behind the drinks setup and distributing jello shots. They had definitely been taking one here and there while they handed them out. What they did not expect was Armin walking right up to them, taking one from Sasha, and scooping the whole thing right into his mouth. Sasha and Connie both looked at Jean who looked equally curious.

“Everything good, Armin?” Connie was the first to say something.

“It’s fine. Can I get a cup?” 

Connie handed Armin a cup and smiled. “Ok, knock yourself out. And Happy Birthday!”

“Happy Birthday,” chimed Jean and Sasha. 

“Thanks!” Armin proceeded to pour a heavy vodka sprite. 

The four of them started dancing soon after, just close enough to be exciting. Armin wished Sasha behind him was Mikasa and then silenced that thought with another swig. Sasha and Connie left after a little while, Sasha with chips in hand, to find somewhere to smoke. She had probably brought that bag of chips all for herself. Jean decided to join Sasha and Connie, so Armin returned to the liquor table

“Hey, Arlert.” It was Hitch. Next to her were Reiner and Bertolt. There was another girl with them that he didn’t know at all. 

“Hey, Hitch.” He had finished his drink, which had been more vodka than sprite, and was feeling a little tipsy. He put one hand on the table.

“Have you seen Marlowe? I want to talk to him but I keep on missing him.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I saw him go with Sash and Connie right after Jean went in there.” His speech was a little more casual than usual.

“Really? Marlowe smoking?” Hitch was surprised.

“I think he was just following Porco.” Hitch nodded like that explained everything. 

“Cool, thanks. Oh, and happy birthday. Connie told me”

“Thanks.”

“Hey, it’s your birthday?” Reiner exclaimed. 

“Happy birthday,” said Bertolt and the girl that was with them. 

“Armin, this is Annie. Annie, Armin. I don’t think you’ve met. Or if you have it definitely wasn’t here.” Reiner introduced. “She doesn’t usually come to our little get-togethers.”

“Hello.” Armin smiled and reached out to shake her hand, then hesitated because was that weird to do at a party? She reached out and grabbed his hand to shake it regardless. 

“Hi. Reiner, these aren’t exactly ‘little’ get-togethers.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know you’re not into big crowds. Glad you made it anyway.” Reiner put his arm around Annie. She stiffened at the contact, then playfully pushed Reiner away. “Annie grew up with Bertolt and I. She’s like a sister. Right, Ann?”

“I told you, Ann is not an acceptable nickname.” She acted annoyed but seemed amused with Reiner’s antics.

“Sorry, Annie, I can’t resist.”

“Armin, Do you want to dance?” It was Bertolt asking. Reiner and Annie gave each other a shocked look. What Armin did not know about Bertolt was that he was painfully shy and usually would never have been so forward. Armin finished mixing his drink and looked at Bertolt who was looking at him anxiously.

“Sure,” he said. He took a few gulps before abandoning his drink to the abyss of a random table. He walked with Bertolt over to where everyone else was dancing and grinding on each other. 

Armin had also been surprised at Bertolt’s offer, but was feeling buzzed and energetic enough to accept. He knew he liked men as well as women, but so far had not had the chance to do much experimenting on either side. And he certainly had never been asked to dance by someone like Bertolt before. Bertolt was athletic and popular but also quiet and gentle. Armin always thought he was attractive, but it did not cross his mind to consider Bertolt as a prospect before now.

He thought back briefly to a conversation with Jean from when they were in high school. Jean and he had been hanging out alone at his house.

“Armin, would you know if you were gay?” Jean did not look him in the eye.

“I think so. Wouldn’t you?” Armin felt excited but also nervous. He knew he liked boys and girls and Jean was pretty cute, but Jean was also just a friend. “Do you think you are, Jean?”

“No.” Jean sighed and looked at him. “If I tell you something do you promise not to tell?” He would never have told anyone else, but he knew Armin was a locked box when it came to secrets.

Armin nodded.

“Marco told me last week that he was. And that he thought he liked me. He said he was scared to tell me but he couldn’t keep it in anymore.” Jean looked away, worried and picking at his fingernails. “I don’t care, you know? He’s still my best friend. It just made me think.”

Armin was a little surprised, but also not by much. It made sense. “I think I am, too.” He confessed to Jean. Jean turned to look at him.

“I thought you had a crush on that one girl in class?”

“I do.”

“So you like both?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Huh. What about Eren?”

“What, like what does he think about it?”

“No, I mean… Do you like him or anything?”

Armin laughed at that. “Eren? No. He’s family to me. Besides, he really isn’t my type.”

Jean laughed a little, too. “Yeah, I guess it was a dumb question. Well, thanks for listening.”

“Thanks for sticking with Marco. I’m glad he told you.”

Thinking about it made Armin feel a little sick. Marco was one of the nicest guys on the planet. Armin even developed a little bit of a crush on him at one point. But the summer after Senior year, there was an accident. Armin would never forget Jean sitting, staring into the dirt, snot and tears freely dripping off his face. Jean may not have been into him, but he had loved him.

Why was he thinking about that right now? Armin turned his attention back to Bertolt.

“So you’re a business major?” Armin ask-yelled over the music. Bertolt leaned in closer, bringing his face near Armin’s.

“What?” He shouted.

Armin leaned closer to his ear, feeling tingly. “You’re a business major, right?”

“Oh. Yeah I am. What about you?”

“Biology,” he was close enough to Bertolt to talk at a nearly normal volume. Bertolt really was very good looking. So tall, with dark hair and deep green eyes. Armin’s stomach knotted in anticipation. It was a good anticipation. Their faces were quite close now and he felt his heart in his chest. 

Armin had been stressing all day. No, more like all semester. Between class, Eren, Mikasa... He was ready to have some fun and he was hoping Bertolt felt the same way. 

_Fuck it, Armin, live a little,_ he said to himself. 

He turned around and started dancing with his back pressed against Bertolt’s front. Bertolt nearly froze at this bold move. 

“Yeah, get it, Bertolt!” Armin heard Reiner yell. Armin felt emboldened by this, if anything.

Bertolt regained control of his limbs and put his hands lightly on Armin’s sides, letting his chest and stomach press against Armin’s back. Armin liked this heat and he the way he could feel... Oh. _Oh._

Armin smiled, feeling unusually confident. It had been a long time since he had danced with somebody like this; it had never been quite like this. He turned his head to look at Bertolt, still smiling. Bertolt looked intently into Armin’s eyes. Armin twisted all the way around to be chest-to-chest with Bertolt, still swaying with the beat. He wished he could see if Bertolt was blushing in the dark. He did not know what drove Bertolt to ask him to dance in the first place, but he was having fun and was now determined to show Bertolt a good time. 

Bertolt leaned in closer to him, smiling. 

_Almost like a tree leaning in a breeze. I think I would like to…_

Armin wrapped his hands behind Bertolt’s neck. He pulled Bertolt down and kissed him square on the mouth. When Armin pulled away, Bertolt followed his lips and kissed Armin back, pulling him in tighter against his body. They locked lips, emboldened by the first two kisses. 

_So soft. Not like a tree after all._

“Mmm,” Armin groaned in the heavy kiss. Bertolt’s grip on Armin tightened, one arm around his back and one hand tangled in his hair. It was all happening so fast, but time only crawled for Armin. He parted his lips and deepened the kiss. Bertolt tentatively met Armin’s tongue with his own. 

“Mhhh,” Bertolt moaned softly. It drove Armin crazy. He could not believe Bertolt Hoover was pressed against him like this and making that noise for him. He put his hands on Bertolt’s chest and could feel the muscles hiding beneath the fabric. 

_What a night._ The thought was barely formed in Armin’s mind when he heard Sasha somewhere to his left squealing with childish delight. He and Bertolt immediately pulled back, separating their bodies. They must have looked ridiculous. 

“AAAAHH!” Sasha and Connie had just emerged from some smokey bedroom only to immediately see Bertolt and Armin’s dance floor display. Sasha covered her mouth, surprised at her own reaction, but it was too late. Damn it. 

“Oh, shit.” Connie walked up with Sasha, giggling and high. “Who would’ve thought? Armin? Bertolt!” Sasha started laughing with him. 

Bertolt definitely looked flustered. Then again, he was not used to Sasha and Connie’s ways like Armin was. 

“Man, where is Mika? And Eren? I can’t believe they missed this.” Sasha looked around.

“I’m sorry Bertolt, ignore her.” Armin crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. Still, he could not help but smile coyly as he thought about what had just transpired.

“Ok, I’m _sorry._ I interrupted. But maybe you should be taking that to a room because it was pretty hot.”

“Gross, Sash, stop fantasizing about our friends.” Connie teased. Bertolt was smiling at her joking around. He still looked kind of embarrassed but he also looked back at Armin longingly. Armin returned the look.

Of course that was when Jean stormed up. He paused to look questioningly at Bertolt and Armin. His face went back to a scowl and he said, “Hey, we need to go outside.”

Armin frowned. Here he was, finally letting go and having a little college fun, and while he did not think he and Bertolt were at the get-a-room stage he would much rather stay here and at least talk with him a while. Additional kissing would also be great. 

“What for?” Sasha pouted. “It’s cold out there.”

“Come on.” Jean turned abruptly and started walking away. Sasha and Connie followed. Armin looked at Bertolt.

“I’m really sorry, I better go. I'll be back.”

“O-Ok.” Bertolt looked sort of stunned. A lot had happened in a short space of time. Armin rushed to catch up with the others.

The first thing they saw when they got outside was Mikasa standing alone in a corner, crying. Crying? Mikasa never cried, much less in public. Eren was standing nearby, one hand on his forehead looking upset. He dropped his hand, stared at Mikasa for a moment, and then started walking away. Jean jogged to catch up to him and Armin hoped this wasn’t going to end in a fight. Sasha made her way towards Mikasa and put her arm around her best friend. Armin stood back, shocked and taking in the scene.

“What the hell, Eren?” Jean’s voice was getting louder. “Are you really this stupid?”

“Shut up, Jean.” Eren stopped walking and turned to face him. His voice wasn’t raised but instead completely flat.

“No, you can’t just say that and then walk away. You could at least tell us why-”

“Why, what?” Eren shouted. “I don’t have to tell you shit.” He shoved Jean in the chest hard enough to make him take a few steps back. Jean clenched his fists and his jaw. 

“Arguing is pointless.” Armin had come to join Jean. He put his hand on Jean’s shoulder. The gentle way Armin said it made Eren glare at him. Armin could hardly believe it. Eren could be quick to anger, but he had never turned on him or Mikasa. Mikasa. Was she crying because of Eren? What could he have done?

He felt a spark of anger inside himself. He didn’t know what had happened, but he was sure it was bad. Eren was already walking away from the yard and from the house. Jean stood, arms crossed, pausing to glare where Eren had been standing. Jean then walked away down the opposite street.

Armin had already suspected that something was going on with Eren. Even so, he had not imagined that anything like this would happen. Eren had been acting so serious and aloof but Armin figured he would come out of it eventually. Like he told Mikasa, he tried talking to Eren before but that had proven fruitless. 

_Worrying about Eren will have to wait,_ Armin thought as he walked towards Mikasa and Sasha. 

“I’m going to order a ride home, ok?” Sasha nodded at him and turned to Connie.

“Hey, Connie, we’re going home. I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah, no problem, don’t worry about it.” Connie glanced at Armin before walking back towards the house. Connie was almost to the front door when Bertolt called him over, looking concerned. Armin saw Connie talking to Bertolt and hoped Connie was giving an appropriately short but sufficient explanation. As much as he wanted to check in with Bertolt before leaving, he knew he would understand. Armin would get his number from Connie later.

In the car Armin watched Sasha as she petted Mikasa’s hair. He couldn’t believe she was feeling badly enough to let Sasha touch her hair. Repeatedly. Mikasa stared at nothing. She was no longer crying, but looking vacantly at the back of the seat in front of her. Armin put his arm around her shoulder and stared out the window. Would Eren be home when they got home? He hoped not because he had no idea what to say to him or how he would even act around him right now. And when would he find out what happened? He could ask Jean. No, maybe he should wait until Mikasa would tell him herself.

_What a night._


	4. Hair of the Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Armin talk over coffee. Auditorium movie night brings a pleasant distraction for Armin.

Mikasa stared into her no-milk, no-cream coffee. Her hands rested lightly on either side of the mug and she thought the contents were like a black pit. How could she be so stupid? Bringing the cup to her lips, she took a long sip and then gently lowered it back to the table. She did not want to make noise when she put down the mug. If she was quiet enough, maybe she could just pretend she was not here right now. So stupid. She closed her eyes, shutting it all out.

Armin was watching her, she was sure. He sat across the table from her with his own coffee. She had been sitting alone at the table when Armin emerged from he and Eren’s bedroom. Was it just Armin’s bedroom now? She did not move at all, not even to look up, when Armin had come into the kitchen. But he had not tried to talk. She vaguely heard him shuffling around until at some point he set a hot coffee in front of her. Then he took his seat at the table and had said nothing since. Had it been two minutes or twenty? 

However, Mikasa was not good at brooding for long periods of time and was anxious to begin problem-solving. She opened her eyes and looked up. As she suspected, Armin was already looking at her. Knowing him, he was probably incredibly worried but also dying to know what happened. By the look of his eyes, his curiosity was currently at the forefront.

Mikasa had meant to explain everything to him in a logical and clear manner. She had planned to lay out everything to him, which also was going to require revealing her budding feelings for Eren. At the stinging reminder of the events of the night before, however, her composure was slipping.

“Armin, I was so dumb.” She put her face in her hands, trying to hide her face which was getting all screwed up trying not to cry again. After a moment she lowered them and saw that whatever curiosity had been in Armin’s face was wholly replaced by concern. Concern, and something else, but she was not sure what exactly. His worried features were mixed with this soft look that she was not sure what meant. She had seen it before, most notably that one time after they had moved in. Her and Sasha were going to bed and Armin had looked up from his reading at her with that same look before he said goodnight to them.

“You are many things, but dumb is not one of them.” He was sipping his coffee, his expression back to a mix of concern and inquisition. 

“You don’t understand.” She was frowning and looked back down at her coffee. She could not bear to tell him what happened _and_ look at him.

“Tell me what happened. Then I can decide for myself whether or not you are dumb.” Armin’s half tease made her smile a little, in spite of her gloom and embarrassment.

“We were outside.”

“You and Eren?”

“Yes.” Her fingers tightened around her mug. “He wasn’t talking at all. I was getting really worried. I know he has been more stand-offish the last few months, but I’ve never seen him not party at a party. It was your birthday, you know? And I expected him to be following you around with a bottle of liquor and a shot glass or something silly and, well, more Eren.”

“Now that you mention, I can’t believe I didn’t realize that last night. Considering my last birthday…” Armin’s eyes drifted up a little, reminiscing. Mikasa remembered last year, Eren and Connie playfully coercing Armin into doing too many shots. Mikasa had held his hair back after everybody else had passed out. The weekend after was when Armin cut it. She thought the shorter style suited him, but never said anything. 

“So, I asked him what was going on with him and why he had been so withdrawn lately. He wouldn’t answer me or look at me. I- I thought. I thought maybe he.” She was stumbling over her words. She felt sick and wished Sasha would burst in inappropriately like she always seemed to. Of course, now that Mikasa needed her, or anybody, to stop this conversation, there was no one to interrupt. No, it was too late now. She had to tell Armin.

“I thought he was being shy, I thought there was something there. I just thought that if he knew how I felt…”

Armin’s eyes were growing wider as she stammered on. She looked up at him, unable to speak suddenly, fighting back the moisture in her eyes and the heat in her face. God, she could not cry in front of Armin. No.

“How you felt?” Armin’s voice was soft, almost a whisper. Mikasa looked back at the table.

“I kissed him.” These last three words she spoke quickly, as if that would make the meaning of them go away any faster. Armin stiffened. She wondered what he could be thinking. They sat for a moment in silence. Mikasa thought saying it out loud would release her tears, but it did the opposite. She felt like everything was sucked out of her as soon as the words left her lips and now she was empty.

Armin broke the silence. “I don’t understand. Why was Jean so mad? He was telling Eren to tell you ‘why.’ Why, what?”

“After I - after that… After what happened, Eren got mad.” 

_“What the hell, Mikasa?” he had yelled, physically pushing her away._ Eren had looked at her with… disgust? Mikasa felt too embarrassed to admit to Armin what Eren had said to her. Rejection was one thing, but the way he had shouted it was another. She would just skip to the next part.

“Mad?” Armin sounded incredulous.

“He started yelling about being suffocated.” She wished she could forget. 

_“Can’t you leave me alone? First Armin won’t stop asking me if I’m ok and you are clingy as hell. I don’t like you like that, ok!”_

Armin looked upset. “Suffocated?” 

“By us. By school.” Mikasa knew Armin would suspect that there were things she was not telling him, but she did not have the heart to relay Eren’s exact words. The conversation continued to replay in her mind.

 _“You and Armin are so suffocating! I can’t do this anymore. I’m leaving.”_

“What do you mean you’re ‘leaving’?”

“Leaving this goddamned school. I hate everything here. It’s all shit!”

_Everything? Did Eren hate her, too?_ , Mikasa had thought as soon as Eren had said it.

Armin was shaking his head in a way that he only did when Eren acted out. 

“So, that’s what happened?” 

“There’s more.” Mikasa looked into his face and Armin raised his eyebrows. “I think he’s dropping out of school.”

Armin lowered his coffee very slowly to the table. If he was not mad before, which Mikasa thought he was already, he certainly was now. 

“What the fuck, Eren?” Armin did not say it loudly, but his emotions were palpable. He put his face into his hands, shoving his bangs back like he did when doing a particularly difficult assignment. His arms then folded over his chest and he stared out in front of him.

Mikasa nodded in disappointed agreement. Armin looked back to her, arms still crossed.

“Did he say why?”

Mikasa shook her head. Armin knocked back the last of his now luke-warm coffee. His eyes were burning into a nearby wall and was the closest to glaring she had ever seen from Armin. He was always calm and quick to understand people, even if they were mistreating him. If anyone would have an answer, it would have been Armin. 

She certainly could not understand what was going on anymore. They had always known Eren so well, but now she could not wrap her head around him. She guessed that even Armin, who was so intelligent and always quick to solve the most puzzling of people, might be feeling like she was about Eren. 

And what exactly was she feeling about Eren? Hurt? Confused? She could not claim to be over him, but she also was not sure how much of the pain was from the rejection or from the feeling of someone so close to you slipping away. There was an embarrassment and loss of what was already somewhat low confidence from the former. When she considered whether or not they would ever get Eren back the same way, a deeper ache set in. How could she hold so much hurt and still feel so empty?

_Bzzzz bzzz bzzz_

Armin and Mikasa both looked down. It was Armin’s phone buzzing, face down on the table. Armin picked up his phone and Mikasa stared past him, out the kitchen window.

“It’s a group chat. Porco says their auditorium is going to be open tonight and do we want to go?”

Mikasa pulled out her own phone, which had been on silent. Armin’s phone softly buzzed and Mikasa watched more messages start rolling in on her own screen. 

**Porco:** Just heard that the auditorium is free tonight. Who’s in?

**Marlowe:** Remember, don’t bring anything that stains! 

This was a semi-regular event. The Architecture building was open 24/7 to its students and Porco and Marlowe knew how to hook up their laptops to the main auditorium display there. Everyone else would bring snacks, drinks, and beer in thanks. 

**Sasha:** I’m still recovering from last night

**Connie:** So??

**Hitch:** Ugh you guys woke me up. But sure.

Armin looked up from his phone. “Do you want to go?”

Mikasa shrugged. Then, she looked around the apartment and realized she would just keep thinking about Eren and it was starting to make her frustrated.

“Actually, yeah, we should go. Otherwise I’m just going to sit around here thinking too much.” She did not elaborate what she would be thinking about, but she did not have to. Armin nodded, understanding and agreeing.

**Armin:** Mikasa and I are in.

**Sasha:** Woo! Ok same then

**Ymir:** Yeah Sasha. hair of the dog.

**Sasha:** Were you even at the party Y?

**Jean:** No.

**Historia:** We were busy! But tonight sounds fun.

**Jean:** “Busy,” sure. ;)

**Ymir:** Your just jealous Jeanny

**Jean:** *You’re

**Pieck:** _Pieck sent an Image_

Mikasa laughed. It was Reiner, Bertolt, and a girl she did not know all passed out in the party house living room. Reiner was on the floor, the girl, who was not exactly tall, was on the longer sofa. Bertolt had ended up on the love seat, legs hanging off of one end completely. Armin started laughing when he saw it, too. They looked at each other, still laughing, more than was warranted by a fairly typical photo. It felt good to laugh after everything. Was Armin blushing?

Sasha flung open the bedroom door, laughing also. “Of course Reiner is on the floor. I mean, really, don’t they have their own beds like just down the hallway?” She got busy pulling out breakfast ingredients. Well, more like a late lunch. “I’m starving!”

Mikasa smiled at her, then said, “Who is that other girl? The one sleeping on the big couch.”

“Oh that’s Annie,” Sasha said. “We met her last night.”

“We?”

“Armin and I! Right before-” Sasha paused and turned around completely to face them. “Oh my god, that’s right! Mika you should have seen! I can _not_ believe.”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow to Armin, hoping for an explanation. Sasha was back to focusing on her breakfast materials and giggling here and there to herself, so Mikasa figured Armin might know what was going. Armin’s face and neck were turning redder by the second and he leaned his forehead into his hands, looking into the table.

“Wait, seriously, what happened?” Mikasa was amused. Armin did not usually get so flustered.

Sasha was nearly cackling into the frying pan.

“Armin and Bertoooolt,” Sasha half sung it, half said it. 

“Wait, what?” Mikasa sat up fully now, looking between Sasha and Armin.

“Maybe Armin should tell you.”

Armin squirmed behind his hands, shaking his head. Sasha was smiling wickedly, enjoying the moment thoroughly.

“Well, I don’t actually know what exactly happened. We had been dancing, but then Connie, Jean and I left to go chill and smoke. Then Porco and Marlowe joined us. Anyways, that’s not the point. After a while we came out to rejoin the party and you know what we saw?” Sasha looked at Mikasa delightedly, practically bursting. Mikasa was smiling at Sasha’s energetic account.

“None other than Bertolt motherfucking Hoover out dancing with our Armin. Well, more like grinding.” Sasha wiggled her brow suggestively.

Mikasa is laughing now. Armin has fully buried his head in his arms on the table. He reached back and drew the hood of his sweatshirt over his head in an attempt to disappear completely. 

“Oh, Mika, it gets better! They started making out. _And_ , Armin,” Sasha points a spatula at the accused, “is the one who started it.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened. “Wait, what?” Armin? Her best friend, Armin? She could care less about it being another guy, she already knew Armin was bi. But, _Armin?_ The same person that takes ages to make a move in chess? The Armin who sticks his nose up at PDA around campus and - 

_Actually, isn’t Bertolt pretty shy, too?_ She thought. Sasha was right. Mikasa cannot believe she missed it. It must have been when I was outside… Mikasa cringed inside at the thought, and decided she would rather focus on this new and exciting development.

She heard a groan from underneath Armin’s hood. He slowly sat back up, beet red. “I can’t believe that happened.” 

“I’m sorry again about interrupting. Really, actually, I didn’t mean to mess anything up.” Sasha did look genuinely regretful. “I couldn’t contain myself when I saw. I mean seriously.”

“It’s ok, Sasha. I’m just so embarrassed.”

“Why?” Mikasa said. “Did he get upset or something?” Her mind flashed back to Eren pushing her away.

Sasha laughed. “Are you kidding? Bertolt was so into it.” She plopped down with her food in the chair by Mikasa.

“Seriously, Armin, what is there to be embarrassed about? Is it because he’s a guy? ‘Cause it seemed like you were both having a pretty good time before Connie and I got there. Again, sorry.”

“No, it’s not because he’s a guy. I just can’t believe it. I wasn’t even very drunk honestly. It sounds like something from a movie, not like something I would do. Even worse, I need to get his phone number from Connie because I didn’t even get to talk to him before we left. It’s going to be so awkward.” Armin sighed then got up for a coffee refill.

“Wait, so how did it even happen? Were you already dancing or something?” said Mikasa.

Armin pulled his hoodie back before pouring fresh coffee into his mug. “No, it was really crazy actually. Ok, ‘crazy’ isn’t the right word. It was… unexpected.”

“Yeah, what did happen,” Sasha implored.

“So,” Armin took a big drink, “After you left, I went to refill my drink. Hitch came over and asked me where Marlowe was. Reiner and Bertolt were there with Annie, which is how I met her. We were all just kind of chatting when Bertolt asks me do I want to dance. It sounded fun so I said ‘sure’ and then…”

“Bertolt asked you to dance? Really?” If Mikasa did not know better, she would have suspected the validity of this part of the story. If it had been anyone else telling it, this would have been a very suspicious detail.

“I was surprised, too.” Armin’s skin was converting back to normal. 

Mikasa and Sasha were both shocked. Sasha was, amazingly, speechless. She had even put down her forkful of food.

Armin started looking a little concerned. “It isn’t that weird, is it?”

“I mean it’s not weird, it’s just. Just, well, you know Bertolt.”

“Not really. The only time I ever see him is at their house parties, but I don’t go that often. We’ve said hello, but that’s pretty much it”

“Even if you did, he isn’t usually hanging out in a crowd.” Mikasa said, then passed her mug which was still half full to Sasha. “Armin, he’s really shy. You really haven’t noticed?” 

It was surprising, too, that Armin had not noticed this about Bertolt. Even if they had not spent any time talking, Mikasa thought it was pretty obvious. Then again, her and Sasha had spent time with Reiner and Bertolt before, so maybe it was not as obvious as she thought.

“Huh.” Armin looked into the distance thoughtfully. Mikasa could see the gears turning behind his eyes.

“Could it have been a dare?” Sasha supplied.

Armin leaned back. Mikasa thought it was a little rude to suggest that was the only reason Bertolt had asked Armin to dance. But she had a point. Armin did not seem offended.

“Mm. It’s possible, I guess. But Reiner and Annie seemed really shocked, too. Who else would be daring Bertolt to ask me to dance? It seems rather specific.” The gears were still spinning. “I suppose I could see Pieck doing that. Hitch would never bother.”

Sasha interrupted, “Yeah, Hitch’s style is a little more along the lines of walk right up to you and tell you to your face.”

“Unless you’re Marlowe.” Mikasa and Sasha both smirked at that.

“What about Marlowe?” Armin switched gears.

“You know, for being so smart, you can be really clueless.” Sasha pointed her fork at him, then resumed eating breakfast now that they were done trying to puzzle out Bertolt. Well, now that Sasha was done. Mikasa was not done thinking about it and felt herself worrying. What were Bertolt’s intentions with Armin? If it was a dare, did he want to do it? Maybe she was overthinking this, but she could not help feeling protective about Armin. He had enough to deal with, much less a hot jock messing around with him. 

_I mean I don’t actually know if Bertolt is that much of a jock. But he’s here on a basketball scholarship and he is pretty good looking. Maybe the shyness is some kind of act? Maybe I’m just getting worked up._ Mikasa frowned a little. Armin was still preoccupied about the Marlowe comment.

“Thanks, Sasha. Seriously, what about Hitch and Marlowe?”

“Nothing at all. You know, except for the fact that she’s like madly in love with him and I’m pretty sure he’s into her, too. They might be the most blunt people I know,” Sasha paused, “well, except maybe Mikasa. Anyways, they both speak their mind about everything but neither seem to be able to ask the other out. But Bertolt Hoover asked you to dance last night so what the fuck do I know anymore?”

At this point, Armin just shrugged, then got up to wash his mug. He grabbed Sasha’s dishes, too. 

She thanked him and said, “Ok, so y’all are going tonight, then?” 

Mikasa nodded and Armin said, “Yep.”

-

Mikasa was finishing some homework at her desk when Sasha came into their room.

“Hey, so are you doing ok?” Mikasa set down her pen and spun her chair to face Sasha. She was not really looking forward to talking about it.

“I’m ok.”

“Ok. Look, Jean told me what happened. He was worried about you and texted me this morning. So, just let me know if you want to talk or anything.”

“Ok, thank you.” Mikasa sighed in relief internally. She should have known that Sasha would know better than to push right now. She wondered exactly how much Jean knew and how much he told Sasha, but she was grateful that she did not have to retell it herself to Sasha so it worked out in that way. Knowing that, Mikasa decided she did want to talk.

“I’m just really mad. I can’t believe he’s leaving. And I can’t believe what he said about Armin and I. Eren’s always been in his own head but this is just… just…” She was reaching for the right word, but she realized she was not sure what it was. Sasha had an opinion, though.

“Selfish? You and Armin are always there for him. And you would’ve been there for him if he had bothered telling you whatever has got him all doom and gloom lately. I’m sure he’s going through something, but what kind of excuse is that? And frankly, I think he’s a straight up idiot for rejecting you.”

Mikasa looked up at that, startled.

“You don’t think I’m stupid?”

“What? Never, dummy!”

Mikasa laughed at that.

“Sorry, Mikasa, you know what I mean. Why would you ask that?”

“Because I kissed him. Because I thought he liked me.” 

“No, I don’t think that makes you stupid. I think he’s the stupid one. How could he not like you? You’re amazing and kind and smart. And not that this should matter, but you’re a total babe. I would totally date you, Mika. I mean, if I liked girls.”

Mikasa smiled and blushed, although she still felt pretty dumb.

“I see you’re not convinced.” Sasha sighed. “Ok, it’s like this. Do you think Armin is stupid?”

“Of course not! He’s Armin.”

“Right. Did he or did he not kiss a boy last night?”

“Yes, but -”

Sasha cut her off, “Did he or did he not have very little evidence about how much said boy liked him?”

Mikasa sighed and nodded her head.

“Well, this probably won’t make you feel any less shitty, but it’s not your fault Eren didn’t like you back. Again, idiot. He might be our friend, but he is obviously completely blind.”

“I should’ve known better. He’s like family, he’s alway been like family. Of course he doesn’t like me that way.”

“I think that’s bullshit.” Sasha stared at Mikasa sternly. Mikasa was surprised that Sasha was capable of such a hard look. She went on.

“I’m going to tell you something, but you have to promise you’ll never tell Armin I said this to you.” 

Mikasa just nodded, staying quiet. Why should she not tell Armin?

“Armin looks at you sometimes, you know.”

“Now you’re just making things up.” Mikasa felt like someone had knocked the air out of her. No way.

“Look, I’m not saying he’s in love with you, I have no idea. I’m just saying that if you made a move on him I doubt he would physically push you away. Even if he wasn’t into you, he would just tell you that. Although, I do kinda think he might be into it…” Sasha trailed off, looking away. Mikasa also looked away, mortified to be reminded of Eren’s reaction and simultaneously having Sasha suggest her and Armin kissing.

“One, that’s ridiculous. But, two, I get your point, ok.”

“That’s right. But, even if he doesn’t want to be with you, I’m sure he’ll come around as your friend. He must be freaking out about something and it’s not like you or Armin can convince him to talk to you rationally. Only time will tell, but I’m sure he’ll talk to y’all soon enough.”

Mikasa shrugged. She hoped so. They had all been friends so long and she could not imagine life without Eren or Armin in it. 

_I can’t believe Sasha would even suggest me and Armin kissing. She is too much sometimes._

“Hey, we should get going soon. Are you wearing anything cute?”

“No, I was just going to go like this.” Mikasa motioned to her t-shirt and jeans. “And a jacket, of course.” It was November after all.

“Ok, cool, because I didn’t want to get dressed up either.”

“You wouldn’t have to dress up even if I did.”

“I wouldn’t _have_ to, but I would want to. It would feel weird if you were all dressed up and I walked up beside you looking like I just rolled out of bed.”

“You did just roll out of bed not long ago.” 

Sasha rolled her eyes and smiled at her. They left their bedroom, finding Armin in his usual spot on the couch, reading. He looked up at Mikasa and smiled, features softening. She thought for just a moment about Sasha’s suggestion.

_No, you’re just having a long day and Sasha was just making a point, don’t be weird._ She smiled back, pushing her thoughts out of her mind. It was just Armin. Besides, it probably would never work out. Things did not seem to work out between best friends like that. She thought about Eren and her resolve strengthened on this point.

Armin put his book away, put on his coat, and went to open the door. Sasha beat him to it and held it open, faking a butler’s stance.

“M’lady,” Sasha motioned for Armin to exit. He smiled. It was a little game they played sometimes when leaving the apartment.

“Why, thank you kind sir.” Armin curtsied and lifted his invisible skirt. Sasha laughed at this new variation on Armin’s response. Mikasa walked through the door like a normal person, but was smiling at her friends.

Their apartment was pretty close to campus, so they chose to walk. Once into the campus a little ways, they ran into Connie.

“Saaaashaaa!” They heard the call and turned in his direction. He was walking from the dorms with Jean, who waved.

“Coooonieeee!” Sasha returned the call, hands cupped around her mouth. “Wooooo!” She added, throwing her hands in the air. They stood to wait for Connie and Jean to catch up.

“Hello Mikasa. _Armin._ ” Armin blushed and Mikasa remembered about Armin and Bertolt. She assumed this was what Connie meant by the way he said it.

“Jean, you really should’ve seen it.”

“C’mon, Connie, not again.” Armin shoved his hands further into his pocket. “Sasha already made me relive it earlier today.”

“Oh, no worries, man. Jean already knows everything. I was just saying it’s a shame he didn’t get to witness the story of the night.”

“Connie, believe me, I would much rather have seen something as disgusting as two people making out at a party than the shit that went down with Yeager.” Jean stopped then, looking at Mikasa.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.” 

“It’s ok, Jean.” Mikasa said quietly, looking away.

“Wow, Jean, way to ruin a moment.” Sasha teased, which made Mikasa feel a little better. Sasha had a way of lightening a mood. Jean just sighed and shook his head a little. 

Mikasa’s feelings of shame and emptiness came in waves. One moment it was just another day, but the next she would be wallowing. She wondered if Armin was feeling similarly. Although, since she had not told him the exact details, maybe she had spared him from the same pain she was feeling. Besides, he was not exactly worrying about romantic rejection either, like she was.

Marlowe was at the door to the Architecture building to let them in. 

“Hey, party people.” The way he said it made it sound sarcastic. Mikasa knew that was just Marlowe, and he had probably meant it to be something playful. She was not sure she had ever heard Marlowe sounding playful, so she had no real evidence. She just knew that he was very nice and tended to be very literal.

Everyone said hello as they were let in and made their way to the auditorium doors. Despite it being 8 PM on a Saturday, there were students mulling around the building still, either working or talking with each other.

The auditorium was low-lit but not dark yet. Porco was setting up the computer and kept the lights up enough to see what he was doing. Everyone from the group chat was there, plus one more person…

“I invited Bertolt, I hope that’s alright, Armin.” 

Mikasa and Armin jumped, startled. How did Pieck always manage to sneak up on them?

“Th-that’s ok.” Armin was blushing pretty hard. 

_Did he like Bertolt before now?_ Mikasa found herself wondering.

“Oh, good, I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Pieck’s expression was nothing but mischievous. Mikasa doubted that she was particularly worried about Armin’s comfort. Was she behind Bertolt asking Armin to dance last night? Or was she just being her normal, stir-the-pot self? 

Mikasa watched as Armin looked nervously at Bertolt. Bertolt seemed equally, if not more, nervous, but looked Armin in the eyes. 

How the hell did these two end up making out last night? Maybe she could talk to Bertolt at some point about it. Mikasa was thoroughly curious. 

“C’mon, lady.” Sasha grabbed Mikasa’s arm and pulled her towards the back of the auditorium, their favorite spot. Armin made to follow.

“Wait,” Mikasa said, surprising herself at what she was about to suggest. “Armin, you should sit with Bertolt.”

Armin stood, frozen, with wide eyes. Sasha looked excited, but also a little confused at Mikasa. She continued, trying to explain herself.

“You said you never got to talk to him, right?”

Armin whispered back, “What if he doesn’t want me to sit with him?”

Sasha joined in, also whispering, “Yeah, but what if he does? Like, worst case scenario, he tells you to go away and it will be terrible but you won’t have to wonder.”

Armin stood nervously, thinking. Mikasa saw the gears turning again.

“If it goes bad, we can go home,” she said. 

Armin looked at her and then at Sasha. His eyes saying ‘seriously, you guys?’ Then, he sighed and said softly,

“You know, Sasha, you’re making a weird amount of sense today.” Sasha beamed, taking it as a compliment. 

“Obviously,” Sasha said.

Armin, tense and anxious, turned and walked away from them in the direction of the row Bertolt was sitting on. Bertolt was the only one in his row, sitting directly behind Pieck and Porco, who had taken their seats now. The movie was about to start. Marlowe dimmed the lights.

Mikasa and Sasha sat in the back with Connie and Jean. Everyone watched the movie, but Mikasa could not stop watching Armin and Bertolt. She had never really seen Armin with anyone. He had taken girls to school dances before or even on dates, but he never had a steady relationship. Not that she had either, to be fair. They had always just hung out, the three of them. Her, Eren, Armin. 

Her stomach felt tingly and time slowed. Bertolt was facing Armin now. They were really close. Close enough to -

“Hooooly shit, do you see this?” Sasha whispered into Mikasa’s ear. All Mikasa could do was nod. 

“Man, Armin is totally landing with Bertolt. Ugh, I can’t even get a date and the two most reserved people we know have found each other. Figures.” Connie leaned, back in his chair, refocusing on the movie but shaking his head. 

“For once, I agree with you,” said Jean, sighing.

All Mikasa could do was stare. Did she even blink? Armin, whose face and ears she was sure were fire truck red right now, despite the dark, was kissing Bertolt. It was fairly chaste, as kissing goes, and they stopped after the one, long kiss. Bertolt whispered something in his ear and Armin smiled sweetly. He brushed his bangs away. He always did that when he was nervous. He whispered something in Bertolt’s ear, too. It looked like they were holding hands now. They looked back at the screen. 

Mikasa barely saw the movie. She did not notice any more kissing between the two, but she could not focus either. Was she upset? No, she did not think so. She could not explain what it was she felt, and so decided to focus on being glad for Armin. She genuinely was happy for him and hoped whatever he was starting with Bertolt was a good thing. Was it nervousness she was feeling? Maybe she was just nervous about losing him. She had no idea when they could expect to reconnect with Eren, so it would make sense if she was afraid to lose Armin, too. So much had happened and she truly could not bear to consider losing them both. It was hard enough having to consider that she might have lost Eren already. 

Yes, that was it. She was just scared of losing a friend. It was not until the movie ended and Marlowe turned the lights back up that she realized she had been lost in her own thoughts. She looked back down the seats to get an update on the situation, but Armin and Bertolt were no longer there. In fact, they were not in the auditorium at all.


	5. Distraction Before Disaster, Before Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin and Bertolt have a little fun. Mikasa and Armin will be leaving for Thanksgiving Break soon, which is typically spent at the Yeagers.

Soon, Armin and Mikasa would be leaving to go back home for Thanksgiving, but right now he did not want to think about it. Instead, he thought about the auditorium from a week and a half ago and closed his eyes, his book falling unread onto his lap.

-

Bertolt had leaned down, his face riddled with nervousness and anxiety. Armin’s heart had flipped and flopped around stupidly. He closed the gap, leaning into the thrill of the moment. Their lips had come together, soft and sweet. He could hear Bertolt breathing hard. Slowly, they broke away. 

“Armin, I think I like you.” Bertolt had whispered in his ear. For a split second, Mikasa flashed across his mind. That made no sense, though. Whatever little crush he might have had was silly and pointless. Mikasa had liked Eren, for a while anway. Armin and Mikasa were like family, and Armin could kiss whoever he wanted. And he _did_ want to be kissing Bertolt.

They locked eyes, then Armin leaned in to whisper back, “I think I like you, too, Bertolt.” 

His heart was pounding. Who even was he? When did he get so bold? Maybe since they had started this, whatever this was, so forward then that was how it was going to be. Armin liked this new feeling. This feeling of upfront honesty. The sensation of revealing himself and his intentions to Bertolt with no reservations and having Bertolt reciprocate. He began to understand why Hitch said what she truly thought all the time. It was a shame she was not applying her communication expertise to Marlowe, if these were the results one could come to expect.

Either way, it was too late to go back now. He was shaking a little bit, admittedly, but he reached down and wound his fingers into Bertolt’s. Bertolt had a sort of stunned smile, as if he was unsure, but he squeezed Armin’s hand in reply. Armin smiled, turning back to the movie.

“Do… W-would you like to go on a walk?” Bertolt whispered into Armin’s ear, his voice shaky.

Armin smiled up at him and nodded enthusiastically. Trying to be quiet, they slipped out of their seats. Just barely out of the aisle, Armin turned back to assess the damage. The only one who had noticed so far was Pieck, who met his eyes and smiled knowingly. Once out of the auditorium, Bertolt, blushing terribly, said,

“Do you think they saw?”

“No. Well, yes, Pieck saw. But if anyone else had seen, we would have known immediately because they definitely would have started teasing us. Either way, they’re going to know eventually.” 

These were the most words Armin had ever exchanged with Bertolt to date. He saw Bertolt nervously shift and mumble something towards the ground.

“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.” Armin knew Bertolt had probably meant for him not to hear, but he was curious as to what Bertolt had said.

Bertolt looked up at him, like a deer in the headlights. At first, Armin did not think he was going to tell him. Then Bertolt took a deep breath and spoke quietly but audibly.

“I said you were really cute.”

Armin averted his eyes, but could not stop himself from smiling.

“So, a walk?” Armin motioned his hand towards the door.

Bertolt began walking with him to the door, then stopped. 

“What is it,” Armin asked.

“It’s just that I hadn’t thought about that we’ll be locked out if we leave.”

Armin had already considered this, and assumed that was part of what Bertolt had meant when he invited him on this walk. 

“Oh, that’s ok with me. I kind of assumed we weren’t coming back. Can you imagine Connie and Sasha if we went back after having left together?”

Bertolt’s eyes went wide and he shook his head. “No, I hadn’t thought of that. But now that you mention it, I think being locked out would be much better.”

Armin resumed their course, Bertolt beside him. Once they were outside and heard the lock click as the door closed fully, Armin smiled at Bertolt, who smiled back.

“So, Biology?” They were walking aimlessly through campus. Not completely aimlessly, actually. Armin knew they were walking towards his apartment. However, he did nothing to change their direction.

“Yep.”

“What’s that like?”

“The usual. Classes, lots of labs. I do my own research in the lab with this one crazy professor. But they’re pretty cool at the end of the day. Very passionate. Oh, and a lot of reading.” At the last part Armin smiled a bit.

“You like reading?” Bertolt smiled at Armin. Armin nodded and blushed. Would Bertolt think he was a nerd?

“You play sports, right?”

Bertolt chuckled softly. “You could say that.”

“What do you play?”

“I play basketball. I’m here on a scholarship for it actually. I, uh, I’m the school team’s captain.” The last part Bertolt said quietly, but Armin still heard it. He groaned.

“Oh, is something wrong?” Bertolt looked concerned.

“No, no, it’s just that I’ve been talking to you a few minutes and have already embarrassed myself.” He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “I had no idea. I don’t know anything about you and I’ve already kissed you twice.” He was starting to get really anxious about it all. What was he doing?

“Armin, I don’t care if you didn’t know about that. It’s not like we talk much. Well, not before.” Bertolt moved closer to him. “Really, it’s not a big deal.”

“But, that’s the problem. I don’t even know you. I’m not some smooth person who just hits on guys I don’t know.” Armin was falling apart a little. It was all just so much. The party, Eren, being here alone with Bertolt. “I don’t understand, why did you even ask me to dance?”

He thought his outburst would make Bertolt more nervous, but instead Bertolt seemed to grow a little taller and stiffer. 

“I’m going to tell you this because I want to be honest with you. I really hope you’re still interested, but I understand if it freaks you out.” He looked at Armin, anxious. Armin nodded.

“I do therapy at the counseling center.” 

He looked at Armin, waiting for a reaction. Armin just looked at him and tried to convey with his eyes for Bertolt to continue. He did.

“A-and I’ve been talking to my therapist about being more confident. She said I should put myself out there.” 

Armin frowned a little. Had Bertolt only asked him to dance to challenge himself? If so, would that really be so bad? Armin had not exactly been thinking about Bertolt before the party, so could he really be upset if it was the same way around?

“I’m sorry, that sounds bad. I didn’t just ask you for my therapy, that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean, then?”

“I, um… You just looked so cute. I’ve always thought you were cute,” Bertolt was speaking very quietly now, “and so I thought, I should just do it. Just say something, for once.”

Bertolt looked up at him and spoke a little louder now, “I didn’t even know what to say. I just saw people dancing and then blurted it out. I thought for sure you were going to say no and was internally cursing my therapist… Sorry, I’m being really weird. I can’t believe I told you about my therapist.” He looked away, pushing his toe into some nearby dirt.

Armin felt like he was on a cloud. Bertolt had thought he was cute? The way he talked so quiet when he got so nervous made Armin’s heart thump. 

“I don’t think you’re being weird.” Bertolt stopped smudging dirt around. Armin stood a little taller. “I’m sorry, Bertolt. I’m the one being weird. I was really excited when you asked me to dance. And I was trying to let go a little, too. I’ve never done anything like that. Then, everything happened with Eren, which is a whole other issue, but I’ve just been extra anxious. I don’t want you to think of me as this person who grinds on people I hardly know.”

“I don’t think that,” Bertolt said, fidgeting with his hands, “and I really liked dancing with you. And I liked tonight, too. I still do. If you’re worried about hardly knowing me, well…I’ll answer any questions.”

Armin laughed. “I can ask a lot of questions. You’ve been warned.”

“I might have my own questions.”

“Do you want to come to my place?”

“What?” Bertolt said, surprised. Did he think Armin meant something else? Armin clarified.

“To talk, I mean. I can make tea. Or if you’re hungry, we have food.”

“I like tea. And food,” Bertolt said, smiling. Was he making a joke? Armin smiled back.

“Ok. Actually, we’re pretty close, it’s just this way,” Armin said, walking onward.

Despite the fact that they were coming to the apartment to talk, they hardly said anything the next few minutes. Then, Armin was unlocking the door and leading Bertolt inside.

“I’ll get started on the tea. Did you want something to eat?” Armin busied himself in the kitchen and Bertolt sat down at the table, looking almost too big for it. 

“No, actually I already ate. I just said the thing about liking food because I thought you phrased it funny.” He smiled shyly. So he had been joking. Armin laughed, and then there was silence between them. Armin finished the tea and held out a hot mug to Bertolt.

“We should go to my room.” 

Bertolt gave him a questioning look.

“In case Mikasa and Sasha get back,” Armin explained. He heard how it must have sounded.

“Oh, in that case, for sure. I was so embarrassed when Sasha and Connie caught us. It was bad enough when Reiner yelled at us. Although, I guess we were in front of everybody.” 

Bertolt and Armin both blushed at the memory and Armin showed him to the room, tea in hand. When he walked in, he sat down on his bed, motioning for Bertolt to sit at his desk. Bertolt looked around the room.

“This is a lot of books.”

He was referring to Armin’s ever growing collection around them. He had two large bookshelves squeezed to one side of his bed and behind his desk. There were stacks on top of the shelves, too. 

“Oh yeah,” he chuckled, “when we moved in, only Mikasa was willing to help me move them in. But she’s pretty strong.” 

“I can only imagine.”

Again, prolonged silence. Armin broke it.

“I’m sorry. I asked you here to ask you about you and I don’t even know what to say.”

“That’s ok, I don’t know what to say either.”

“So, basketball?”

“Basketball,” Bertolt confirmed. He shifted, looking uncomfortable in the chair. It was pretty short for him.

“You can sit on the bed, if you want.” Armin offered. “I didn’t think about how short that chair is. I can sit there, instead.”

Bertolt stood up, moving to sit next to Armin.

“No, you don’t have to move,” he said. So Armin didn’t. He thought he heard someone outside the apartment, and looked towards the door. 

When he turned back towards Bertolt, Bertolt kissed him, taking him by surprise. He leaned into the kiss. It was unexpected but welcome. When they pulled away, Bertolt looked sheepish.

“You kissed me twice, and I kept not making a move.”

“You did ask me to dance.” Armin reminded him. He smiled. “But, if there are any more moves you want to make, I’m not complaining.”

“Ok,” Bertolt whispered, leaning back in. But first, Armin wanted to make something clear.

“Wait.” Bertolt looked disappointed. “You know I didn’t ask you here just to do stuff, right? I mean, I really do want to get to know you. I don’t want you to think I’m just trying to get into your pants.”

Bertolt nodded, then he smiled slyly. “But you _would_ like to get into my pants?”

Armin’s mouth fell open, shocked by this overt tease from Bertolt. 

“Well you said you don’t want me thinking you're ‘just’ trying to get into my pants. Which implies that you are trying to get to know me _and_ get into my pants.”

Armin was blushing furiously. He swept his bangs away, speechless. Bertolt started laughing. 

“You’re really cute when you’re flustered.”

“And you’re really bold when you’re not being shy,” Armin countered. 

“Can I be a little more bold?” 

Armin’s breath caught. He could only nod. This side of Bertolt was really sexy. He could do nothing but close his eyes as Bertolt leaned in. He smelled like fresh laundry but with a hint of sweat. They stayed like that for what felt like forever. Kissing, sitting side by side, slowly moving hands to each other’s cheeks, thighs, and hair. 

Armin’s room was close to the front door and so he heard immediately when the lock turned over. Sasha and Mikasa’s conversation, though muffled, could be heard. He turned to Bertolt and held his index finger to his lips.

“Do you think Armin is here?” That sounded like Sasha.

“I don’t know.” Mikasa, definitely. 

“His light is on.”

“He probably just forgot to turn it off.

“Yeah, probably.” Their footsteps moved further away. Their voices were even softer now and he could not make out what Mikasa said next, but he could still understand what Sasha said next.

“Hey, did you leave the kettle and tea out?”

Armin whispered, “damn,” under his breath. He waited for what seemed like an eternity for an inevitable burst into his room by Sasha. Yet, after a time nothing had happened, and he felt grateful then to whatever powers may be. He sighed, quietly, and laid back onto the bed in relief. Bertolt lowered himself beside him, propped up on one elbow. 

“How did I get such a good looking man into my bed?” He whispered to Bertolt, who looked away, fighting a smile. He looked back at Armin.

They were making out this time. Bertolt had rolled half onto him, trapping him on one side with his chest and his long arm on the other. Armin had no desire to escape this trap. He opened his mouth and slid his tongue to Bertolt’s lips, which parted right away. He had one hand in Bertolt’s hair and the other was above his own head. Just when he thought it could not get hotter, Bertolt took his free hand and pinned Armin’s free arm to the bed. 

Armin moaned. It was louder than he had meant for it to be. The two stiffened, silently waiting to hear movement from the living room where, as far as they knew, Mikasa and Sasha were hanging out. It seemed they had gone unnoticed. 

Armin lifted his head and kissed Bertolt on the neck, then gently bit him where his neck meets the jaw, making him gasp quietly. Armin felt something else against his leg. Something hard. He pushed his leg into Bertolt’s erection experimentally . It was the closest he had ever been to another man’s penis, not counting the day before when dancing with Bertolt. He felt the response against his leg and Bertolt made a noise almost like a growl. 

_So. Hot._ was all Armin could think.

“That’s not fair, Armin,” Bertolt whispered into his ear, “Do you have any idea how good that is? If you’re not trying to get into my pants, then you must be intent on torturing me.”

Armin wasn’t sure how the shy and nervous Bertolt could be so excellent at pillow talk, but it made his head feel cloudy and his own erection stiffened more. Bertolt removed his hand, no longer pinning his arm to the bed. Armin almost thought to complain, but then Bertolt said softly, right into his ear,

“I’m going to show you.” 

Bertolt gently placed his hand over Armin’s mouth. He was hoping this was not going to be some choking sort of thing, and was about to ask what was going on, when Bertolt was suddenly doing to his own neck what he had done moments ago. As he moaned into Bertolt’s hand, he understood why he had covered his mouth. To mitigate the sound of what was indeed torture. In the best sense.

Bertolt did not stop at gently biting Armin’s jaw. He moved down, lightly sucking around his Adam’s apple. Armin’s hand clenched in Bertolt’s hair. The recently unpinned hand clung to Bertolt’s back in a desperate attempt to pull him tighter against him. 

Armin had never felt like this before. This was the furthest he had ever been with anybody, boy or girl. His heart was racing. He never wanted this to end but also felt nervous because he did not know how far he should expect this to go. He hoped it would go a little further, but not too far.

A little worried about if Bertolt would like it, he started slipping his hand up his shirt, feeling his warm, bare skin and firm athletic body. Armin hoped his own body was not disappointing in comparison. Bertolt moved his hand from Armin’s mouth and into his hair. His lips were back on his, with more urgency this time. Armin’s hands drifted around various parts of Bertolt’s back and sides. His chest was fairly inaccessible at the moment due to their positions.

Bertolt’s lips were suddenly not on his and neither was the weight of his body. Armin opened his eyes to see Bertolt peeling both his sweater and his shirt away. He was not thinking when his hand reached out to touch Bertolt’s chest. Bertolt closed his eyes and sighed when Armin’s hand started roaming. Armin stopped, realizing something. He still had his shirt and coat on from earlier. Here was Bertolt, in shirtless glory, and he was lying there dressed for a crisp winter day.He sat up now. Bertolt leaned further back, understanding the goal at hand. Armin shrugged out of his coat and tossed it to the floor. Bertolt eyed Armin’s shirt. 

“May I?” He started reaching for the hem of Armin’s shirt. Armin started getting anxious.

“I don’t look as good as you,” he blurted out. He was staring at Bertolt’s tan chest and arms. They looked strong and muscular. He was a little tan himself from visiting the beach as long as the weather would allow, but he definitely would not describe himself as muscular. He was always nervous about looking scrawny or weak.

Bertolt rested his hands on top of his own thighs. He was half straddling Armin, and currently sat leaned back onto his heels. Armin looked at him, chewing his lip. Bertolt looked down at him softly.

“Armin, I think you look amazing. And I bet you look just as good shirtless.” They were already speaking quietly to avoid being found out in Armin’s room, but now Bertolt lowered his voice and said soothingly, “If you want me to stop, that’s ok. We don’t have to take any clothes off.” 

Bertolt reached for his recently shed shirt, to show his commitment to his words. Armin grabbed his wrist.

“No, please don’t put your shirt back on.” He meant it, too. He was not ready for Bertolt to have a shirt back on his body.

“Do you want to leave your shirt on?”

Armin considered this, fretting about what Bertolt might think. He did not want to make Bertolt be shirtless alone, though, and he did not want his insecurities to get the best of him right now. He shook his head. Bertolt nodded, slowly reaching back towards Armin’s hemline. 

Bertolt did not start removing the shirt right away, though. He slipped his hands underneath and slid them up Armin’s stomach and chest, then back down his sides. 

“You know, if you look as good as you feel, I might be in real trouble here.” Armin blushed. It was really sweet of Bertolt to try and boost his confidence like this. Instead of protesting, like he normally would at such a good compliment, he just laughed nervously and sat back up. He lifted his arms as Bertolt pulled his shirt over his head and then had to resist the urge to cross his arms over his chest. He looked shyly at Bertolt, feeling very exposed as Bertolt swept his eyes over his bare torso. Bertolt sucked in his breath, and spoke almost too quiet to hear.

“I really am in trouble, Armin Arlert”

He reached down and caressed Armin’s body, closed his eyes, and sighed. Armin reclined back to the bed, closing his eyes as well. It felt good to be touched like this. To have someone want him in this way. Somehow it felt more intimate than everything else up to this point, which was a little scary, too. His eyes flew open when he felt Bertolt’s lips on his stomach. He was kissing him slowly, making his way up his chest. Armin watched, breathing fast, until Bertolt was face to face with him again. He looked into his eyes, unsure of what to do now.

Bertolt shifted, laying down to the side of him. One arm he used to prop himself up and the other he laid across Armin’s chest. Armin was not sure why, but he thought this was a good time to tell Bertolt about his experience. Or rather, lack thereof.

“I’ve never done this before.” He whispered, staring at his ceiling. He glanced at Bertolt, wanting to see his face. He was smiling softly.

“That’s ok. We don’t have to do anything else right now either, you know that, right?” Armin nodded and Bertolt continued, “Do you mean that you’ve never done this before with a guy or that you’ve never done this ever?”

“Ever”

“Nothing in high school?”

Armin turned to face him. “I’ve made out with girls before. And I’ve kissed one boy. I was always spending my time studying or hanging out with Eren and Mikasa.”

“Yeah, I understand. I didn’t do anything until I came to college. In high school I was still in the closet. Annie was my beard for a little while and even went to prom with me.”

“What about Reiner? When did he find out?”

“I told him when we agreed to move in together for college. I didn’t feel right sharing a room and him not knowing. It felt like a lie. I was tired of trying to hide it from him anyway.”

“What did he say?”

Bertolt smiled. “He put his ginormous hand on my shoulder and said, ‘I know, Bert.’ I asked him if Annie had told him. He said no, and that he figured it out when he saw me checking out our teacher’s ass once. And that he had suspected it previously, but the teacher thing confirmed it.”

“And your parents?”

“Well, to be honest, I think they were a little disappointed that I was not secretly dating Reiner, as they had suspected. They seriously love that guy.”

“So, they knew?”

“They strongly suspected.”

“That’s really great, though. That everyone was ok with it.”

“Yeah, it really is. I’m really thankful for that. What about Eren and Mikasa? Or your parents?”

Armin glanced away. His parents had been gone a long time, but he hated telling people they were dead. It was never not awkward.

“Eren and Mikasa never had a problem with it. I guess I didn’t really ‘come out,’ you know? I just kind of was. Some people assumed I was gay and others didn’t.” 

“Were you bullied ever?”

“Attempted.”

“Attempted?”

“Sometimes people would attempt to bully me. I think it had to do with me being a nerd more than my sexuality. Although, that probably didn’t help. Anyway, Eren can be hot-headed and Mikasa is scary strong. The first time it happened, I actually did get beat up.” Armin felt Bertolt tense against him. “The next time I saw him, his nose was bandaged and he had a black eye. Mikasa was suspended for a week, but she said she would do it anytime. Nobody bothered me much after that.”

“Mikasa? Not Eren?”

“Oh, Eren can’t really fight that well. He’s strong enough I guess, but Mikasa is the one who can fight. When she was a kid -” Armin stopped himself. That was private information. Bertholt did not ask, thankfully. Armin resumed, “Well, anyway, Eren had mostly been shouting at him, they weren’t fighting yet. That’s when Mikasa walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around, she punched him square in the nose. He tried to hit her, but she punched him again and he started running away.”

“Geez... I’m sorry, Armin.”

“That’s ok, it was a long time ago.”

“And your parents?” Oh, right.

“They’re dead.” Armin braced himself for a stream of ‘oh my god, I didn’t know.’ Bertolt was silent, so he looked over to him.

“I’m really sorry, Armin,” he said in a gentle tone. He reached his hand up and stroked Armin’s cheek. Armin closed his eyes and enjoyed the comfort.

“It’s ok, I grew up with my grandfather. My parents have been dead for most of my life, so I don’t really remember them. I like to think they would have supported me, though. My grandfather does. When I told him, he just said in his crabby voice, ‘don’t you ever bring home some hipster who doesn’t know their p’s and q’s. I don’t care what’s in their pants, I won’t stand for bad manners.’ That was the end of that.”

Bertolt started laughing and so did Armin. Laughing a little too loudly.

“Ah HA!”

Their laughter stopped abruptly upon hearing Sasha’s voice through the wall. 

“I knew it!” Knocking started on the wall that Armin’s bedroom shared with the living room. Sasha’s voice was closer now, right on the other side of the wall.

“I hope you’re happy. I can’t believe you ditched us for a boy! I don’t care how cute he is!”

Bertolt looked mortified for a second. Then he just started laughing. Armin started laughing, too. Sasha was so ridiculous. He got up and banged on the wall back.

“Stop it, Sasha, you’re going to embarrass our guest!”

“GUEST?!”

Armin stopped laughing, then. He had just assumed Sasha already thought Bertolt was in here. Now he had given Bertolt away. 

“Oh, god. I’m sorry.”

Bertolt just kept laughing and shaking his head.

“She’s crazy, but I like her.”

Armin heard steps getting closer to his door.

“Shit! Shirt, get your shirt!”

“What, wh-” Bertolt was about to say when Armin’s door burst open. Sasha stood in the frame, taking in the scene. 

“Why, _Hello_ , Bertolt.”

Mikasa appeared behind Sasha.

“Sasha, will you please stop harassing them? Can’t you see they-” Mikasa paused, and actually looked into the room. Her eyes slowly traveled up Armin’s body and he felt very naked all of the sudden. “ - want to be alone.” When she finished her sentence, her voice was a little breathy. She met Armin’s eyes and blushed. He blushed, too. 

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I did it again.” Sasha smacked her forehead then slammed his door back closed. 

Armin spun back around. Bertolt was sitting up on his bed now, shirt on. How unfortunate. 

“I am so. Sorry.”

Bertolt smiled and shook his head.

“It’s been an interesting evening, to say the least.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

Bertolt stood up, making his way to Armin. 

“It’s getting really late.”

“I had a really good time, Bertolt.”

“Me, too. Would you like to go out sometime?”

“Like, a date?”

“Yeah, Armin. A date.”

“That would be nice. Should I give you my phone number?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so, huh?” 

Armin put his number into Bertolt’s phone and sent himself a text. Then, he put his shirt back on.

“I’ll walk you out.”

Armin walked Bertolt through the living room where, thankfully, Mikasa and Sasha no longer were present. He opened the front door for Bertolt. Just as he stepped outside, Armin grabbed his arm. He turned around and Armin pulled him down gently for a kiss. He leaned down, one hand on Armin’s face.

“Goodnight,” Armin said softly as he pulled away. 

“Goodnight.” With that, Bertolt walked down the hall and to the stairs, pausing once to turn around and give a little wave. Armin smiled.

-

“Armin, wake up.” It was Mikasa’s voice.

“I’m not asleep,” Armin said, not opening his eyes. He tried to will the memory of kissing Bertolt back one last time, but Mikasa’s voice had pulled him out of his pleasant reminiscing. 

“I know,” She replied, “you were smiling.” 

“What time is it?”

“Time to go.”

Mikasa stood in the living room in front of him, all of their bags stacked neatly together. 

“Are you ready,” she asked him.

“No.”

“Me neither.”

He sighed and got up from the couch, tucking his unopened book into his backpack, which he swung onto his back. Mikasa and him walked out the door to catch their ride to the airport.


	6. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Yeagers have extended the annual invitation of Thanksgiving to Armin and Mikasa. Neither of them has heard from Eren. Not sure what to expect, they agree to fly home together anyway.

Out of the corner of her eye, Mikasa can see Armin reading his book. His long fingers gripped a little too tightly. He never did like flying.

“How are you doing?” His grip tightened a little more.

“Ok.”

“I brought a scarf, do you want to use it as a lap blanket?”

“Ok,” Armin said tightly, as if more talking would make it worse.

Mikasa slowly drew out the old, worn scarf from her bag. The color was fading and there were little areas fraying here and there. She had not worn it since the party.

“Mikasa…” Armin stared at the scarf, disbelieving. “But, you love this scarf.”

“I know. I did. But, now....” She trailed off, pausing. “I brought it so that I could leave it at home. Back where it came from.”

She saw Armin was not moving a muscle, so she draped it onto his lap for him. She knew having something would at least make him feel a little better even if it was not really doing anything. Now that she thought about it, maybe it was weird that it was this scarf.

Eren had given it to her in junior high. After the terrible thing. Those men. 

“Thank you,” Armin said quietly. He still held his book tightly, but was looking at her and not the pages. His face softened.

“Mikasa, are _you_ ok?”

She nodded weakly. Her vision was blurring. 

_Not again,_ she thought miserably. _Armin is going to think I’m some kind of weepy girl. What is happening to me and why am I thinking about this right now? It’s bad enough we have to go deal with Eren. If he’s even there._

She was expecting Armin to act nervous at this display of emotion. Eren certainly could never tolerate Mikasa getting emotional. Even though, of course, Eren was very emotional himself. She could not bear Armin leaving, too. She tried to will the blurring away, but her mind was spiraling between remembering what those men did to her and worrying about losing Armin.

Armin said nothing, for which Mikasa was strangely grateful. There really was nothing that he could say. What she did not expect was the arm that looped around her, pulling her into a half hug. The armrest between them had been raised at some point. 

She laid her head on his chest and silently cried. All she felt was guilt and anger at herself. 

_Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me?_

After a few minutes, she was feeling empty and exhausted. Her breathing was more even now. She did not move to leave Armin’s comforting hold, though. She liked it. She liked the way he smelled and the way he held his book, quiet but firm. 

_I shouldn’t stay like this. I shouldn’t like this._ She wondered if Armin wanted her to move? His arm had not budged. Then again, it was just a gesture of comfort for a friend, right? And then she thought that she did not care if that was all it was. It was warm and nice and she wanted to give in to this moment of weakness. 

Mikasa closed her eyes, lost track of time, and slipped into a much needed nap.

-

As she started to awaken, she slowly remembered the circumstances at hand. Not daring to move, she cracked her eyes open. She was slumped against Armin now, leaning against him. He was slumped against the side of the plane cabin, face peaceful and hair sticking out every which way. His left arm was still around her and had come to rest on her side. His book was in his right hand, in his lap, with his right thumb just barely bookmarking his current place.

She felt frozen. She did not want to move. She should move, though, right? Was this wrong? Would he wake up and push her away? She was about to lift herself away from him at this thought, when his eyelids sleepily began to raise.

Mikasa’s heart started beating fast. Wait, if she was asleep still, then it would not be weird. It would just be a friend who accidentally fell asleep, not a friend who woke up and chose to remain in this position. She squeezed her eyes shut and relaxed her body. Then, she remembered to relax her eyes, too. Her heart was pounding but she forced her breathing to come out slow and even.

She felt Armin shift, stretch, and lift them both to sitting. He gently squeezed her shoulder with his left hand, giving her a little shake.

“Hey, I think we’re almost there,” he said softly. Then he took back his arm in order to fish out a bookmark and pack up his carry on. He gently folded the old scarf and placed it in her carry on for her.

She pretended to sleepily wake up and stretched her arms above her head. Did that just happen? She cannot remember the last time Armin and her were physically so close, but it had never been so… tender? Her chest tightened a little. She was being ridiculous. They were just two best friends who cared about each other and fell asleep on a long plane ride. A plane ride that was coming to an end.

Upon the beginning of the descent, Armin sat straight up in his chair, his right hand gripping his right armrest. The left armrest was raised still, and when he went to grab it, all he found was Mikasa’s arm. He quickly let go, his fingers moved to grip his thigh.

Mikasa wanted to grab his hand and to tell him that it was alright and just to hold on to her. She could not do it. All she did was think about doing it, playing it in her mind repeatedly, watching Armin’s face with his eyes shut tight and frown on his lips. By the time she thought, _Ok, I’ll just do it, it’s just to make Armin feel better, it’s no big deal,_ the plane landed with a typical thud, wheels on the ground, and Armin folded over, head buried in his arms. 

She put one hand on his back and left it there until the plane had slowed and was smoothly circling. Armin sat up slowly, jaw clenched.

“I hate planes,” he muttered.

Armin could nearly stand up straight, but was forced to bend his neck. He sat back down and sighed, waiting for the other passengers to disembark. Mikasa definitely would not be able to stand up, having a few inches on Armin. She thought briefly about the height difference between him and Bertolt.

“Bertolt is pretty tall,” she said, thinking out loud. Armin looked at her, eyebrow raised. They had not talked much about Armin and Bertolt’s budding relationship. They had both been pretty slammed studying for a few tests that they had to take right before the break started. 

“Yeah, he is.” 

Armin looked at her, curiosity in his eyes.

“It just occurred to me is all,” she said. Her next question, she thought she had only said in her head, but apparently she had said it aloud.

“If it were a girl, would it bother you if they were taller than you?”

Armin laughed at this as they began to slide out of their aisle, now free to get their bags. 

“No, that’s silly. Why would that matter?”

“You know how some guys are. They want to be taller than women.”

“That’s true. It also makes no sense to me.” Armin shrugged his backpack on and they left the plane, left the terminal, left the airport. Sharp wind hit their faces as soon as the sliding doors opened to the pick up zone. The cars in line were covered in spattered mud. It was the dirt that snow left behind on a car once it had melted away, only to become grey slush in the streets. Mikasa and Armin made their way to their ride. 

Carla had offered to pick them up, but Mikasa had declined, assuring her that it would be better for them since they were going to go straight to Armin’s grandfather’s house. Typically, Armin would have gone home and Mikasa would have stayed at the Yeagers. This year, she told Carla that Armin needed the help around his grandfather’s house and so she was going to stay with him this year. 

Truthfully, she _would_ help Armin out, but she was also terrified at the prospect of potentially spending a week with Eren. Not that she knew if he would even be there. If he was not, that might be even worse. She pictured herself just sitting around in silence with Carla and Grisha, who were sure to avoid any topic that was too uncomfortable. Surely, Eren dropping out of university would fall into that category.

She had moved in with the Yeagars in junior high. The… incident… had just happened. It had been maybe a month. She had just started going back to classes when the guidance counselor showed up in the classroom door with Carla. It seemed suspicious, but her first thought had been that Eren must have really done something crazy this time, and she was going to get called to the witness stand. 

She wished that it had been that. Deeply, she wished for it, even now. As soon as they sat her down in that over-sized chair, she knew something was really wrong. She could remember gripping that scarf, practically new at the time, like a security blanket that she could use to hide the expression on her lips. Her eyes might betray her, but at least that was only half of her face. There was talking, soothing, a hand on her shoulder. She only remembered it like it was a bad dream, with words strewn around in the cloud around her. Dead. Both of them. Cousin. Car crash. 

Carla had taken her home and tucked her into the guest bedroom. She told Mikasa that she would be right there in the living room and to come get her any time, but maybe for now she should just rest. Mikasa just stared at the ceiling until Eren came home. Then, she still stared at the ceiling, but Eren came and laid next to her in the bed, and stared at the ceiling with her until Carla came to get them for dinner.

After a week or so, she found herself in therapy, which was also a distant memory. She also remembers that was when she learned that Levi existed. He was a distant cousin of her mother’s who had offered to take her in if she should want. But the Yeagers had also offered, and when given the choice she chose to stay there with Eren and Armin.

Levi was a professor at a university in a different state. In fact, the same university she now attended. He had even helped her complete her admissions forms, saying that he would not be putting in any special treatment, but he was confident she would get accepted easily on her own and that he would maybe see her in one of his classes. During the semester, sometimes her and Levi went for a coffee and to check in. She actually really liked him, and his partner, Erwin. She wonders what it would have been like to live with them. 

But, at the time of her decision she did not want to move schools or leave Eren and Armin. She had lost so much already. Levi had agreed that she had already had so much happen and perhaps it would be better for her to stay somewhere familiar. Carla and Grisha could watch over her better than he could, he had said. He had also said that if she ever needed or wanted, his doors were open.

And then she and Armin had arrived at his grandfather’s house. She was grateful that Armin was the kind of friend who was ok with sitting in silence at times like these. 

He was probably daydreaming the whole time, himself, she thought.

Mikasa would never know that Armin had spent half of the car ride looking out the window and the other half of it watching her. They both exited the car at the same time, shivering at the chill.

“I always forget how cold it is, even though I’ve spent most of my life here.” Armin was shoving a knit cap onto his head that he had been keeping in his pocket for this very moment. There would be a walk up the long drive before they got to the house itself and it was already threatening snow.

Mikasa trudged alongside him, trying to stop shivering. Armin was right, it was hard to get used to. It was so nice and warm where they went to school. They had just been to the beach a month ago, and even though the water was too cold at the time, it had been warm enough to sunbathe. It had been just her and Armin that day, too. Eren said he did not want to go to the beach and that he was busy. Sasha and Connie might have joined them, but they had actually been busy that weekend.

“So, you can sleep in the guest room. I just need to wash and replace the bedding because I doubt my uncle has and he stays there when it’s a long night.”

“Don’t worry about it, I can change the sheets. You’ll be plenty busy, I’m sure.”

Armin nodded. “You’re right. I will accept your offer. Thanks.” 

“Armin,” she said. He turned towards her. “Are there a lot of long nights?”

Armin looked at his feet while they walked.

“There are more than there used to be.”

Mikasa did not answer, unsure of what to say. Armin continued.

“It’s not so bad. He’s just getting older and can’t get around like he used to. It makes him frustrated. I think his memory isn’t quite what it used to be, either, which also makes him mad. I don’t blame him. It must be very frightening.”

“If you ever need anything,” she said, “or just want to talk, I’m always here for you.”

She would be surprised if Armin ever took the offer, but she wanted him to know that it was on the table. He was sensitive about the topic. Besides losing the man who raised him, Armin must be wondering what his own old age would look like. 

Armin simply smiled at her, saying, “I know. Thank you.”

Walking up to the door, Armin rang the doorbell and waited.

“Don’t you have a key?”

“Yeah, I do. But my uncle said that the last time there were visitors, he answered the door for my grandfather like usual, and then my grandfather made a comment about ‘not even being allowed to answer my own goddamn door!'” Armin mocked a grumpy tone, smiling at Mikasa. “That’s so like him.”

Mikasa laughed a little and the door began to open.

“Oh, Armin, it’s you! And Mikasa, how very nice to see you.” Mr. Arlert held out his hand to Mikasa and she shook it, smiling.

“It’s very nice to see you, too, sir.”

“Always so polite. Would you mind helping this old man back to his chair? I left my cane in my rush to the door. I don’t get so many visitors these days, you know.”

Mikasa took his arm in hers, walking slowly back to the living room. Armin smiled widely.

“Grandfather, I heard you were just telling Uncle how you never get to answer the door yourself. Now you want help?”

“Young man, wouldn’t _you_ want help from this pretty young lady?” 

Mikasa stifled a laugh. Armin’s face was a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

“Come on, let’s get you comfortable,” Armin said, walking ahead of them in order to fluff the pillows on an old armchair. He began picking up a few empty cans and dishes that had accumulated on the side table. Mikasa watched as Armin paused, fingers lingering on a large worn book.

“Grandfather, what is this doing out?”

Mikasa helped lower Mr. Arlert into the chair and patted his arm before taking a seat on the nearby sofa. 

“That? Oh, nothing. I was just looking. Sometimes I remember things when I go through those old photos.”

Armin gently lifted the old photo album, brushing off a little dust. He brought it around and sat on the couch with Mikasa. 

“Wow, I haven’t seen this in a really long time.” Armin spoke quietly, but fondly.

His grandfather just huffed, and unmuted the TV so he could keep watching his program. Mikasa leaned in so that she could see the photos as Armin began to slowly pour over the pages. Despite spending a fair amount of time at the Arlert home in the summers, watching both Armin and his grandfather’s slowly but surely page turn their way through the family’s reading collection, she had never seen this story. She saw a picture of two people, a man and a woman, with an Armin-looking toddler to the side. Those must be his parents.

Armin touched the very same photo, his finger like a feather skimming the surface. Mikasa thought Mr. Arlert was not paying attention, but he had been watching and he spoke up then.

“Your mother was such an intelligent, beautiful young woman. Smart as a whip. I hated every boy that ever walked through that door,” he pointed at the front door, “and I didn’t think anyone would be good enough for my little girl. Then, she brought your father here. You look so much like him, Armin.” 

Armin did not look up from the book, but turned the page. The next spread featured a page-sized photo of what Mikasa assumed to be Armin’s parents, on their wedding day. His grandfather continued.

“He said hello, he was very polite, you know, a real gentleman. Not like those other boys, peeling into the driveway with their loud music. No, your father shook my hand and looked me in the eye. Then he went straight for the bookshelf. Liked him ever since.”

Armin was smiling softly. Mikasa smiled, too. Mr. Arlert had a way of exaggerating stories the way many older people do. He was a little old fashioned, but kind and open still. Armin was flipping pages a little quicker, now, trying to skip past his childhood. Mikasa stopped him from turning the next page so that she could get a better look.

It was a picture of Armin at the beach. He was young, maybe 5 or 6. It was her turn to touch the photo. He was smiling big, holding a shell the size of one of his little hands, so he had to use two hands to hold it. She smiled, too.

“I like this one,” she said, turning to Armin, surprised to see his face had grown serious.

“It was my first time at the beach.” His voice was low. Soft snoring started up in the background as his grandfather drifted into a nap. “It was one of the last times I saw them. Not that I remember much. They died right after this trip.”

Mikasa held her breath. Even though they had both lost their parents, neither of them talked about it much with each other. She hoped Armin would say more. He did.

“My mom, she had a business trip. My dad said he should go with her, so she wasn’t by herself. She had tried to argue, saying she was just fine. But, my grandfather agreed about her taking ‘a man’ with her, and so in the end she said ok to make them happy.” Armin’s eyes were misty. It had been a long time ago, but he had never told anyone this before. Mikasa knew how his parents had died, but she had never known the story. Only that it had been a plane crash.

“Well, you know the rest.” Armin sniffled a little, and flipped a few more pages to reveal photos of him and his grandfather. There were also some of Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. It was around when they had all first met. Mikasa finally spoke.

“Your grandfather must have felt really guilty about that,” she said softly. Armin nodded.

“I’m sure that he does. His memory is getting worse, but he talks about them more and more. I hope that in the end… that it isn’t the only thing left.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why is that?”

“He has other things to remember. Nice things.” Mikasa pointed at the photos below of Armin and Mr. Arlert playing together. They kept flipping through the pages until they reached the final photos, taken only a few years ago. Mikasa recognized one of them. 

“How did this get in here?” She pointed to a photo of Armin and his grandfather. They were both lounging in the living room, reading. She knew the photo because she had taken it herself.

“Oh. I, um. I really liked this one. I got it printed and added it myself.”

Mikasa felt deeply touched. She also really liked it, but had forgotten all about it until now. There was just something about Armin’s face when he was concentrating. Not only when he was reading, but when he did other things, too. It was this look he got when he was trying to fit the last piece of a puzzle.

“Anyway,” Armin closed the album and re-shelved it. “We should probably go soon. Dinner starts in an hour.”

“Is it that late already?” Mikasa frowned. Her stomach knotted up. She did not want to go to this dinner. Normally she would be looking forward to seeing Carla and Grisha, but not knowing what to expect was stressing her out. She was looking forward to possibly finding out what was going on with Eren, but nervous all the same and wished nothing had happened to find out about in the first place. 

Mikasa and Armin walked to the Yeager’s house in anxious silence, neither interested in discussing their feelings of impending doom.

_I might just be getting myself worked up for nothing,_ Mikasa hoped.

-

Dinner was worse than what Mikasa had imagined, surprisingly. Carla and Grisha nervously attempted small talk while Eren took turns glaring at each of them, Mikasa and Armin included, one at a time. Mikasa thought that Armin was getting angry by the way he stabbed at his corn and potatoes. Honestly, she was getting mad, too. 

The disappointment and rejection she had felt a week and a half ago was slowly converting to resentment the more Eren glared at them. They had not done anything wrong. Eren is the one that left them. The last straw came at dessert.

Carla stood up from her seat, smoothed her skirt, and said, “Well, I have prepared a delicious pecan pie, if you don’t mind me bragging.”

Eren stood up, too. “No thanks, I’m going to my room.”

“Sit down, son,” Grisha eyed Eren warily. “You are not excused as long as Mikasa and Armin are here.”

“I’m not the one who invited them.” Eren stood defiantly, arms crossed, but still standing at the table.

“Eren!” gasped Carla.

“If Eren doesn’t want us here, then we can go.” Armin spoke clearly, his tone dead serious. 

“No, no, I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Armin, I’m sorry, sit down.” Armin had already begun to rise from his chair. Mikasa sat, unsure of what to do. 

“I did mean it, Mom. Why are they even here?”

Mikasa stood abruptly, surprising everyone there, including herself. The words started falling out of her mouth. 

“Don’t we mean anything to you? After everything, after all this time? And then you just leave, no consideration for anybody else. You couldn’t even bother to give us notice to find a roommate? We all have to cover for you this month because you bailed.” 

At least Eren had the decency to look ashamed. Mikasa was not done, though.

“Why are you doing this, Eren? Because we’re ‘suffocating’ you? Well, excuse us for thinking we were best friends.”

Armin was wide eyed, staring at Mikasa. She could feel them all staring and was ready to flee the scene. She just had one last thing to say to Eren.

“You’re supposed to be my family. This is supposed to be my house, too. But I don’t have a home like you do, Eren. Where am I supposed to go?” Her voice broke a little at the last phrase. She looked desperately at Carla or Grisha for something, anything. Carla spoke quietly.

“Mikasa, this is your home.”

It should have made her feel better, but it only made her more angry.

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

Mikasa spared one last glare for Eren before storming out to the cold front porch. She had spent so much time on this porch, in this house. It was home, but it felt like it had been taken from her. As if a rug was pulled out from her feet. Even if Carla meant what she said, they could not change Eren or make him be nice. Grisha and Carla were not going to kick their only son out of the house to make room for her or something. Even if she was like a daughter to them, she was not their daughter. She was nobody’s daughter. 

She tugged the scarf away from her neck. She had meant to return it to the drawer in her bedroom for the rest of time, but no way was she going back inside. But, she could not stand to look at it one more second. She balled it up and tossed it on the porch swing. Close enough. Her shoulders slumped as she thought about Carla, picking it up. She would probably wash it and place it in her room sometime later. 

Her vision was blurry, but not from tears. She was just so mad. Whatever was going on with Eren, how could he ever treat her like this? She did not even care right now. Mikasa was sick of worrying about Eren. She was fighting some kind of losing battle and she was tired of losing. She gave a hard kick to a rock on the porch, sending it flying into the snow. She wished she had the gym here. She started walking, more like storming, back to the Arlert residence. She felt bad for leaving Armin behind like this, but he was going to have to understand. 

_Wait._ She stopped. Maybe that was what Eren thought, too. That they would just have to understand. She did not think that made anything right. It made her think that she did not want to be like that. She did not want to lash out at the expense of her friends. 

_Well, maybe at Eren’s expense right now,_ she thought bitterly. She smiled wryly, surprised that she could be feeling this way about Eren. She thought that maybe it was a good thing she was not worried about how Eren felt at the moment. If he had needed her, she would have set it all aside, because he was still family to her. But, she realized, she did not have to be patient or understanding just because he was throwing a fit. Maybe she was allowed to be angry, too. 

This was running through her mind, weirdly lifting her spirits, as she turned around to go back towards the Yeager’s house. She could not abandon Armin. As soon as she turned around, however, he was right there on the sidewalk in front of her. His eyes had a hard look, making the blue look icy. Her throat burned, a little excitement flowing through her. She had never seen Armin quite like this.

_Jesus, not right now._ She reprimanded herself for even thinking about that at all, much less at a time like this. 

“I’m so sorry, Armin. I didn’t mean to leave you.”

Armin shook his head.

“No, _I’m_ sorry. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.”

“We’re both going through this.”

“Mikasa,” Armin put his hands on her shoulders, “if you ever need a place to call home, you are always welcome at my house. I- I know it isn’t the same, and I know it doesn’t change how shitty everything is, but -”

Mikasa pulled Armin into a hard hug. She squeezed harder than she should. Armin was right, everything was still shit. But, at least they had each other right now. If anyone understood what she was going through, it was Armin.

He hugged back, as tight as he could, until she pulled away. They looked at each other, understanding, and walked silently back to Armin’s house.


	7. Spring Seeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa is blooming. Armin makes a classic, but irreparable, faux pas.

February. Crisp, chilly, but fresh. Armin and Mikasa were a couple of weeks into the new semester. March was around the corner and Armin felt like he was finally starting to thaw out after the events of last year. 

Christmas break had been pleasant. He and Mikasa had driven home this time, a road trip that they had always wanted to make. He smiled to himself at the memory of her laughing, sunlight streaming in through his car windows, while he drove them down the open road. It had been cold, but sunny, for most of their trip, slowly turning more gray the closer they got to home. 

He had been a little disappointed when Mikasa declined his offer to stay with him and his grandfather, but he was truly glad that she was resolving things with the Yeagers. In fact, they were both resolving things with a certain Yeager. Eren had contacted them a few weeks after Thanksgiving, apologizing. He had asked Mikasa to please come home for Christmas, and that he would explain. 

And so they had gone. Eren had been quiet, but a spark of the old Eren seemed to be back in his eyes. He apologized and explained that he was going to be joining the Army soon. He said that he was worried that Mikasa and Armin would be mad, to which they both raised their eyebrows at him. ‘I know,’ he had muttered before continuing, saying that he was pushing them away because he thought they would hate him for dropping out of school and leaving them. Eren had then looked shyly at Mikasa, saying, ‘I’m really sorry, Mikasa. I hope you will still be my family.”

Mikasa had pinched the bridge of her nose, sighed, and said, ‘Eren, you’re such an idiot sometimes,’ a phrase she had once used as a joke when she was exasperated with him. Armin could not help but laugh at that, which made them all laugh. 

Armin was still a little bitter, but happy to see Eren taking responsibility. He was not sure what their friendship might look like after this, but he could not deny that he missed it. Could they all three be close again, after the way Eren treated Mikasa?

Although, Mikasa seemed to be genuinely moving past it. For the first time in their friendship, Armin watched Mikasa get genuinely angry, and not try to hide it. At first, after the party, she had spent a lot of time in her room. She had even stopped going to the gym as much, one of her few hobbies. Now, however, she was back to her usual schedule and with a new vigor. She had joined the women’s rock climbing club at school, getting closer with some of their other friends. Namely, Ymir, who was also in the ‘Rockettes.’

Which is how Ymir’s boxes had come to be in his room. Well, their room, now. Historia and Ymir had been over to hang out with Mikasa and Sasha for a girl’s night, effectively trapping Armin in his room. Late into the night, Historia had knocked lightly on his door and slipped into his room. It was surprising but not unwelcome. Historia was wonderfully nice and always pleasant company.

It was then that she confided that Ymir was looking for a place to stay, glancing over at Eren’s empty bed. 

“She’s too proud to say, so don’t tell her I told you,” Historia had said, pleading eyes, “but her family are being...unreasonable… now that they know we’re dating.” 

Armin had nodded, understanding. “Why don’t you tell her that I told you we’re looking for a roommate. Which, actually, is true. Why not tell Mikasa though, why me?” He had asked.

“Oh, well, actually I have. But seeing as you’re the one who would have to share a room, Mikasa told me to ask you myself if it was ok. Ymir can be rough around the edges. And we weren’t sure how you would feel rooming with a girl, even if she is, well, you know…”

Armin had laughed and said it was not a big deal. He did know what Historia had meant. She was alluding to the fact that Ymir was openly and unabashedly into women, and women only. Ymir was a little rough around the edges, that was true, but she was actually secretly nice and would punch anybody in the face for a friend. Their friends were surprised to see her and Mikasa get along so well, but to Armin it made sense.

Speaking of which…

The door sprung open without warning as Ymir strode into the room, announcing, “I hope you aren’t naked in here.”

Armin was at his desk working on a paper. He did not have to turn around to know who it was, even before Ymir had spoken. He laughed.

“It can’t be worse than Sasha,” he said, thinking of the night when Bertolt had been over, “and, anyway, it would probably just burn your eyes out if you hate penises as much as you say you do.” It was probably Ymir’s own brash attitude that made Armin comfortable with banter that would usually make him blush. With Ymir, it just did not mean anything like that. Ymir laughed loudly.

“You know, I think you’re right. I should knock next time. I wouldn’t want to risk not being able to see Historia naked again.”

“Gross, Ymir.”

“Gross? Are you kidding! Have you seen my girlfriend? She’s, like, an eleven, if not more. Surely, even you can see that.” Armin looked at Ymir and rolled his eyes. She smiled and cocked an eyebrow, saying in a low voice,

“Then again, you do seem to have a thing for people who are tall, buff, and have dark hair.”

Armin shook his head, exasperated. Wait, what did she say?

“People?” He said before he could stop himself. She was obviously referring to Bertolt, but she made it sound like there was more than one person in question. Ymir scoffed and chuckled.

“I see bisexuality has not exempted you from being a clueless dude. And here I was, thinking you were so smart with all your fucking books over there.” Ymir motioned to the large shelves, tone playful.

“That’s sexist.”

“Ok, well if you aren’t clueless, tell me what I meant.”

Armin thought about it. Who else did he even know with those parameters? Eren, maybe, but he had never thought about Eren like that. Jean was tall. But, no, he was not that buff and his hair was debatable. Sasha was completely out of the question.

“Wooooow.” Ymir sucked in her breath after Armin was silent for too long, chuckled again, and went to lying on her bed and texting. Probably Historia.

Armin shrugged and resumed his paper. About a paragraph in he got distracted and started daydreaming. An image of Mikasa filled his mind. She had been so happy, so confident lately. They had spent less time together, but he watched as she came back and forth from the apartment, busy between classes, the gym, and hanging out with Sasha. He had come home yesterday, from a long day at the lab, to find Mikasa and Sasha doubled over at the table, laughing like crazy with shot glasses to either side of them. They had finally finished off Connie’s apartment-warming vodka, celebrating the conclusion of a particularly difficult section in their classes. She had sat up to say hi to him, tears in the corners of her eyes, with pieces of her jet black hair still falling over her face.

_Oh._

But, no. No, not Mikasa. Why would Ymir think that he liked Mikasa? Ok, sometimes he himself thought he was thinking too much about her, but he had not told anybody that. It was just a little crush, he kept telling himself, and it would go away like it was supposed to.

_Besides, you like Bertolt. You kissed Bertolt. You made out with Bertolt._ The feelings that mattered were the ones he was acting on, Armin told himself.

He must have stopped typing for a while because Ymir looked at him from the corner of her eye, saying, “Figured it out, yet?”

“Shut up.”

Speaking of Bertolt, Armin’s phone buzzed. It was a reminder of his upcoming date, which was with Bertolt. Not Mikasa. What did Ymir know, anyway? She was probably just messing with him like usual.

He saved his work and closed his laptop, going to the bathroom to check his hair. He had gotten dressed hours ago to avoid last minute clothing decisions. Not totally satisfied, but at risk of running late, he walked out of the room.

“Later, Ymir.”

“Later, roomie.”

He passed Mikasa and Sasha on the way out, who both smiled at him.

“Hey, don’t you have a date tonight?” Mikasa said.

Armin was not sure why he always felt a little uncomfortable talking to Mikasa about Bertolt. She had been nothing but supportive. That almost made it worse.

“Oh, yep. I’m going right now, actually.”

“Ok, have fun.”

“Use a condom!” Sasha gleefully interjected. Mikasa rolled her eyes.

Armin shuffled away quickly. Sasha had just been making a joke, but Armin had been wondering himself about this date. He and Bertolt had been pretty busy between the winter holiday and start of semester. Bertolt was swamped between school and basketball. They had met up a few times since the movie night, but had not done much of anything physical since then. But, the plan was to go to dinner and then go back to Bertolt’s house. Bertolt had his own room in the house and Reiner, Pieck, and Hitch were out to a movie tonight. Armin wondered briefly if this had been orchestrated. He would not put it past Reiner or Pieck to calculate such a salacious plan.

As he drove there to pick Bertolt up for dinner, having decided that taking the car made the most sense, he felt nervous. He knew Bertolt would not pressure him to do anything he did not want to. He also knew that the opportunity would be there. 

Armin had assumed he might lose his virginity in college, but he had always assumed it would be with somebody he had known longer or was in a serious relationship with. Then again, a lot of things had not gone quite to plan and nothing was wrong with messing around. 

_Are Bertolt and I going to become boyfriends?_

He had considered this question a few times, but never brought it up to Bertolt. He was not sure why, but he did not want to talk about it yet.

The truth that Armin was not admitting to himself is that he was scared that Bertolt would say yes to dating seriously.

When he got to the house, he knocked on the door. Bertolt opened it rather quickly and smiled nervously.

“Armin.”

“Hi.”

“It’s good to see you.” Bertolt leaned in for a small kiss on the lips. It made Armin’s heart thump.

“It’s good to see you, too. Shall we?” Armin motioned to the car. Bertolt nodded and locked the door behind him.

On the drive, they chatted about school. Armin told Bertolt about Eren’s apology and Ymir moving in. Bertolt said he had seen Mikasa at the climbing wall the other day and that she had been very nice to him. He had been worried about her liking him dating her best friend.

At the word “dating,” Armin felt his stomach clench. How serious was this for Bertolt? It should make Armin happy that he used that word, should it not? Sure, dating Bertolt. What was Armin afraid of?

_You’re just being a scaredy-cat, Armin, stop worrying._ Armin internally shoved those complicated feelings down and smiled at Bertolt.

“Of course she likes you, what’s not to like?”

Dinner was full of similar conversation. There was some flirting and they shared dessert, but the time flew by for Armin. The closer it got to the end of the meal, the more nervous he became. He was a mix of excitement and anxiety, but he refused to show that to Bertolt. He acted confident and flirty to mask his fears. Driving back to Bertolt’s place, however, his hands were nearly shaking. If Bertolt noticed, he did not mention it, thankfully. 

Bertolt and Armin grew more quiet with every step they took towards Bertolt’s bedroom. There was a silent expectation in the air about where tonight might be going and despite what had already passed between the two, this was a new territory entirely.

Bertolt sat on his bed and invited Armin to join him. After looking each other in the eyes, Armin decided he would not stay still any longer. He needed to cement his resolve to move forward with Bertolt. Mikasa was out of reach and even if she were in reach he would rather keep her as a friend forever than lose her as a failed relationship. 

He kissed Bertolt passionately, hands wound in his hair. Bertolt returned the kiss, pulling Armin closer to him. Armin pulled Bertolt down to the bed to be laying down, lips still locked. He felt electric being so intimate with somebody. It was such a new feeling and he leaned into that excitement. His hands slid beneath Bertolt’s shirt, which soon came off along with his own. 

Bertolt suddenly rolled Armin onto his back, lying next to him. His hand traveled to Armin’s pants. 

“Is this ok?”

Armin could only nod, frozen. Bertolt undid his jeans to make more space for his hand. He slid it slowly underneath the band of his underwear. Armin could hardly breath. He groaned and shut his eyes when Bertolt began to slide his hand up and down. It was plenty good when Armin masturbated by himself, but having somebody else touch him was something else entirely. 

Bertolt stopped and Armin opened his eyes to find that Bertolt was now on top of him, straddling his hips, hands on either side of his head. Bertolt leaned down and whispered seductively into Armin’s ear,

“I want to show you a good time.”

Armin shuddered and gripped the comforter he was laying on top of. Bertolt was kissing his way down. He was all the way down there, and Armin thought he could practically throw up; he was so nervous. He shut his eyes, feeling the need to block out something before reaching sensory overload. As he felt Bertolt sliding down his pants and his underwear, he placed his forearm over his eyes and clenched his fist. He registered the wetness of Bertolt’s mouth over his tip, and could not resist peeking down. 

Through his lashes he could see only straight, dark hair.

_Mikasa._

Bertolt froze. Before this moment, Armin could never have fathomed the plummeting feeling that came with it. The absolute and total horror at one’s self.

_No. No, no, no. It was a mistake._ This time Armin’s thoughts stayed inside his head.

“What?” Bertolt was leaning back on his heels, staring in disbelief at Armin. He did not sound angry. Armin wished that he was angry with him. The tone of sorrow in Bertolt’s quiet voice was a million times worse. 

“Nothing. No. I’m sorry, it was just a mistake. Please. It’s not like that.” Armin pulled his pants up, scrambling to sit up and put a little distance between him and Bertolt. Bertolt looked away, hurt and unsure of what to do. He sat onto the bed, facing away from Armin. After what felt like forever of nothing being said, Bertolt spoke up.

“The thing is, Armin, I think it is like that.”

Armin was stunned. Speechless. He had no response at all and so said nothing. His shirt was in his hands, and he wanted nothing but to be fully clothed at the moment. Bertolt put his elbows on his knees and his head into his hands, speaking into the floor.

“I don’t know if you just don’t know or if you were using me. I like to think you just haven’t realized it yet. I thought that you liked me, though, and that you meant it.”

“Bertolt, I was never using you, I swear. I would never use you or want to use you. I do like you. I _did_ mean it. What are you talking about?”

Bertolt sighed. He stood up, shimmying back into his shirt, and turned to Armin.

“You obviously feel something for Mikasa. And don’t play dumb, Armin, I know you’re smarter than that.”

Armin felt punched in the gut. Behind all the denial, Bertolt was right. He did know, deep down. To protest it now would be disrespectful to Bertolt and a complete lie. Not that he did not just completely disrespect Bertolt. His stomach churned and he cringed hard, already replaying the memory in his head. This was going to haunt him. All at once he both knew that he hated himself right now and that only time would heal this wound, nothing else.

Armin felt tears threatening at his eyes.

“Bertolt, I’m so, so sorry.” He looked Bertolt in the eyes, and saw defeat.

“I don’t think this is going to work out.”

“No,” said Armin, slowly shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad, Armin. Just sad. I really liked you.”

Armin nearly cried, then. To be hurt was one thing, but to hurt somebody felt even worse. Bertolt did not deserve it. He had been nothing but kind and sweet. He had put himself out there.

“I really did like you. And I don’t have any right to say this and maybe it’s conceited of me to even ask, but,” Armin paused, “please don’t stop putting yourself out there because of me. You’re really wonderful and kind. Anybody would be lucky to have you.”

“Just not you,” Bertolt mumbled. Armin’s heart sank lower. He put his shirt on quietly and stood up, unsure of how to proceed or leave the situation. He felt like an intruder.

“Sorry, that’s not fair for me to say,” Bertolt looked up at Armin from the bed. “I just liked you a lot.” 

Armin nodded sadly. He felt deeply ashamed. 

“Look, we can still be friends. Not that we spent a lot of time together before now, but I don’t want it to be awkward or for you to feel like you can’t come to our parties anymore. It sucks that it didn’t work out, but I’ll be ok.”

Of course, Bertolt was comforting him. He felt heavier than ever. 

“Ok,” he said softly, “I’m sorry. I’ll let myself out.” 

Bertolt just nodded. Armin left, walking through the hall that had been so full of anticipation not so long ago. He prayed to nobody in particular that Reiner, Pieck, and Hitch would not be coming home right now. By some miracle, he encountered nobody, and made it to his car only to cry there. Could he have been more stupid? 

Driving home, the feelings were starting to settle into an unsteady pit in his stomach, but he no longer felt like burying himself alive so that was progress already. Then, he realized Mikasa and Sasha would be home. Undoubtedly, they were going to ask him how this went. Even Ymir was going to ask him how this went, and even worse, she seemed to have already predicted his predicament. The desperate desire to disappear entirely consumed him once again.

Clutching his keys, Armin ascended the three stories worth of steps. The scenario yet to come played repeatedly in his mind, interrupted randomly by the memory of his slip. It was modern torture. Armin had no choice but to enter that apartment. He could not hide from his friends forever and figured it could not get much worse than it already was, so better to rip off the band-aid entirely.

He closed his eyes as his key turned in the door, bracing himself. He had no idea what he was going to say. His whole life he had been the type to plan obsessively. Typically, Armin prepared for difficult scenarios by attempting to plan for them. Sure, you could not plan for everything, but he was never dead in the water at any point. This time, he was sinking. Fast.

And yet, he walked through the door anyway. Ymir and Sasha were watching TV. Mikasa was reading a book. One of his books. 

_Of course. Fuck me._

He could almost laugh out loud as he realized the thought could be considered a double entendre. _Well, that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it?_ He was in a mood so low, he wanted to laugh at himself for being so, so dumb.

Everyone had stopped what they were doing to stare at him. He was standing there, motionless, staring back at them. Staring at Mikasa.

“Armin, what happened?” Mikasa did not have to ask _if_ something had happened. She knew by the way Armin stood and the look on his face.

 _You happened._ He thought bitterly. He said nothing, only swallowing the silence.

“Did he do something?” Mikasa put down the book and crossed her arms. 

“Yeah, we’ll watch Mika kick his ass, Armin.” Sasha attempted to lighten the mood while showing support. Armin managed to vocalize something.

“No. No, he didn’t do anything.”

Sasha glanced nervously at Mikasa, who never took her eyes off Armin. Armin glanced at Ymir and thought she looked at him with a kind of pity in her face, something one did not usually see on Ymir’s features. Maybe she could already guess what happened, as Armin kept staring at Mikasa. He was grimacing, somewhere between shame and understanding. 

“Are you ok?” Mikasa uncrossed her arms, face and voice softening.

“No. I’m an idiot.” What compelled Armin to say it outloud, he did not know. He bee-lined for his bedroom, took off only his shoes, and hid himself under the covers. He did not care if Ymir came in to see him cowering beneath the comforter. She was obviously psychic anyhow. 

_A complete, fucking moron._ He laid on his back beneath the covers. He stared into the fabric, breath hot against his own face. He hated that feeling of his own breath stuck between him and the covers, but he did not care. He wanted to be uncomfortable right now. He deserved it.

He heard the door open and somebody walked towards him, light footed. It must be Mikasa. 

_How pathetic, I even memorized her footsteps._ He frowned and waited, wondering what would happen next. 

She sat down slowly in his desk chair by the bed. He could tell by the shadow to his left, which he could perceive through the blanket. She spoke quietly.

“I hope I’m not bothering you. You just seemed really upset and I was worried. Is there anything I can do?”

 _Kiss me. Love me._ Armin had not thought self-realization would be so painful. Admitting what he wanted felt much worse than pretending he did not want it. As long as he was pretending, he never had to confront the very real possibility that he was in love with someone who could not love him back. Well, not like that.

He thought that being with Bertolt would keep chasing his other feelings away. The feelings he was too scared to admit. It had been a temporary fix. A fix that was so temporary, one visit home with Mikasa had begun to undo it. From the moment she had fallen asleep on the plane, Armin felt doomed. If touching Bertolt was electric, then touching Mikasa was lightning. And still, he had refused to admit anything as such. 

Torn between spilling it all to Mikasa and saying nothing at all, Armin could only manage to say, “You’re not bothering me.” He was still under the covers.

Mikasa tentatively began to peel the blanket off of Armin’s face. All he could do was stare at her face. Her eyes widened. She reached a hand slowly towards his face, wiping a tear that he had not noticed was on his cheek. Her hand trembled. 

“Sorry,” she whispered, looking away. Armin shook his head but said nothing still.

Eventually, finding his voice, he said, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

Mikasa’s lips pressed together in a line, unsure of whether to stay or go. She stared into his eyes.

“You promise he didn’t hurt you?”

Armin nodded feebly.

 _I hurt him._ He cringed, everything flashing back through his mind.

“Ok.” With that, Mikasa walked out of the room. On her way out the door, she turned back to look at him one last time. It seemed like there was something she wanted to say, but instead she turned to leave, closing the door behind her.

Still dressed, Armin fell into an uneasy sleep.


	8. Spring Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who needs boys? Girls Beach Retreat. Mikasa frees herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mention of past sexual assault. No details/descriptions will be given, but what happened will be stated.

Try as she might, Mikasa could not get a straight answer from Armin about what had happened with Bertolt. She thought that maybe, given time, Armin would tell them all what had happened. However, he was a closed book on the subject.

So, fearing that Armin had been hurt in some way that he refused to divulge, when Mikasa ran into Bertolt at the gym she cornered him immediately. She used to run into Bertolt at the gym regularly, but his schedule had mysteriously shifted after the break up. Now that she had her chance, she could not resist asking. She did not expect Bertolt to reveal any embarrassing details, or even to tell her what had happened. She just thought that by his reaction she might better understand the dynamics of the situation.

Sasha had called her blunt once. In all actuality, it depended on the situation. If Mikasa’s vulnerability was at stake, she was well versed in avoiding conflict and escaping full honesty. However, if a friend’s well-being was at stake, there was no time to beat around any bushes.

“Bertolt.” She had snuck up to him just as he put down his weights. He visibly jumped, spinning around to face her.

“Jesus, Mikasa, you scared the crap out of me.” His hand was over his heart.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” It was not a question and Bertolt did not deny it. Mikasa continued.

“Did you hurt Armin?”

“Did I-” Bertolt was taken aback. “No, of course not. And I haven’t been avoiding you, my schedule did actually change.”

Well, ok, the schedule thing made sense.

“Oh, ok. But still.”

“Mikasa, I swear to you, I did not and would not hurt Armin.” Bertolt paused, looking down at her. He was tall, but she thought she could take him. “I think we should go for a walk.”

This surprised Mikasa, and was not exactly what she was looking for.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I was just worried about him, that’s all. If you say you didn’t hurt him, I believe you, Bertolt.” She smiled apologetically, mentally conveying a white flag.

“I still think we should go for a walk. I’m done here anyway, are you?”

“Oh. Ok. Yeah.” 

They checked out of the gym, walking past the climbing wall. Ymir and Historia looked at her, questions on their faces. She simply shrugged then kept walking. Once outside, they went to walk leisurely along the side of the outdoor jogging track.

“It seems Armin never told you what happened?”

“No.”

“Well, in that case, it isn’t my place to tell you.”

“So why did you ask me out here to talk?”

“I… just had to confirm something. I can, however, tell you that it was a mutual decision.”

That was funny. That was exactly why she had come up to Bertolt in the first place. She had not confirmed anything for herself, though. It made no sense. Why had Armin looked so heartbroken that night?

“And if I may be so bold, I think you should ask him about it.” Bertolt finished.

“You know, you’re not as shy as I thought.”

“I’ve been working on it.” He smiled at her, said bye, and walked off towards campus.

_Oh. Good for him._ She thought.

\- 

“Ok, so what are y’all doing for Spring Break?” Sasha asked them through a mouthful of food.

“Oh, I don’t know. Ymir and I kind of wanted to do something together, but we can’t decide what.”

“I was going to stay here.”

“Boo, you can’t just stay here, Mikasa!” At least Sasha had finished chewing.

“Sure I can.” Mikasa sipped her cocktail. They had made a habit of going out for drinks on Fridays. She was enjoying the company.

“Is Armin doing anything?” Sasha raised her own glass.

“Yeah, he’s going back home to spend time with this grandpa.” 

“Perfect. Because, I have the perfect plan”

Everyone looked at Sasha and smirked.

“Alright, what is this perfect plan, then?” Ymir leaned back in her seat, arm around Historia’s chair.

“I have two words for you ladies. Beach. House. Girls only. Ok, that was four words.” Sasha’s straw sputtered as she drew the last of her drink.

“Oooohmygod, yes!” Historia slapped her hands to the table. 

“Looks like I’m in.” Ymir smiled at Historia. 

“Mikasa, pleeeeease.” Sasha gave her big, puppy-dog eyes. It was not necessary, though, because Mikasa actually thought it sounded fun.

“Yeah, ok, sounds like fun.” 

“Suck on THAT! Hand it over, Ymir.” Ymir groaned and pulled out her wallet.

“See, I told you Mikasa was game.” Sasha boasted, snatching ten dollars from Ymir’s reluctant hand.

“You _knew,_ and were betting against Mikasa?” Historia pretended to be offended, but she started giggling. 

Mikasa, totally amused, stuck her tongue out at Ymir when Ymir said, “You were supposed to try and talk us out of it.”

“You’ve definitely been spending too much time with Sasha,” Ymir grumbled, not really upset.

And before Mikasa knew it, Spring Break was upon them. The air had turned warm, and with it, everyone’s moods. Even Armin was brightening up, seeming to have mostly recovered from whatever it was that happened between him and Bertolt. She finished packing up her clothes and toiletries, just missing one last thing.

“Armin?” She knocked at his door.

“Come in!”

She stepped in. He was finishing his own packing, getting ready to leave for the airport.

“Are you going to be ok flying alone?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really have a choice, do I?” He smiled at her, trying to reassure her, she thought.

“I guess so.”

“So, what’s up?”

“Can I borrow some books? I was thinking I might like to read them if things get quiet”

Armin’s hands stopped folding the piece of clothing in them. He looked at her. It was that look again, whatever that look was. She still could not figure it out. Maybe he was amused with her request?

“Of course,” he said, “take any that you would like. Except the ones already in my suitcase.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t you own any books? And how quiet exactly do you expect this girls beach retreat to be?” Armin teased. Mikasa smiled.

“Not many, and not very. But you never know when everybody is going to randomly decide to take a nap.” Mikasa was not a fan of naps. Armin smiled and resumed packing. 

Mikasa was making her selection, but found herself distracted by Armin’s movements. She pretended to scan titles while watching him fold, unfold, refold the same shirt. She smiled a little smile, fond of the way he had to get it just right. Maybe now was a good time to ask him about Bertolt? She still had not taken Bertolt’s advice and it had been two weeks. She meant to ask, and she would ask eventually, but she kept putting it off.

Nope, not the right time. She grabbed two books at random, quickly side-hugged Armin, and then said goodbye. She had just left the room and shut the door when she stopped. 

_Armin and I don’t hug. Was that weird? I just did it, I wasn’t even thinking. This is what I get for starting to hug my friends._ She had recently been putting more effort into allowing physical contact with others, namely Sasha and Historia. Ymir liked hugs as much as Mikasa did, so they skipped on them entirely. Ymir only hugged Historia. Come to think of it, hugs were growing on Mikasa. There was actually something nice about being close with a friend; trusting a friend. 

Sure, it was just autopilot. No big deal.

If she had turned around to see Armin’s dazed look, she might have thought twice about whether or not it was a big deal. Instead, she walked away and shrugged it off, determined not to dwell on it. 

Soon enough, Mikasa’s mind was only filled with wind and sun. Historia had talked them all into renting a convertible for the week, arguing that it was the only proper way to enjoy the sun. What had won them over, though, is her offer to cover the costs of the car entirely. She was from a fairly affluent family who had graciously given her a “Spring Break Allowance.” She was also paying a fair share of the house. Historia had insisted that this week with them was exactly what she wanted, and them stressing about money would ruin the vibe. Mikasa knew it was really for no reason except that Historia cared so much about them all. 

Mikasa stretched her arms above her head and let out a whoop. 

Historia was yelling over the wind, “See, even Mikasa appreciates the convertible!”

Sasha let out a big scream of excitement, momentarily distracting the drivers of some nearby cars. Ymir did no such thing, but smiled brightly at Historia and then flipped off a nearby car. Mikasa assumed this was her version of a whoop.

 _“Ymir,”_ Historia chided.

“They were driving stupid anyways, babe.”

Sasha laughed wildly. Mikasa closed her eyes, letting the strong winds wash over her, the bright glow of the sun just on the other side of her lids. She smiled and before she knew it, they were pulling up to a bright blue beach house. 

While Sasha was excitedly rambling about all the plans she had made and all the food she had brought, Mikasa easily carried both of their bags to their room. Sasha pulled out a bag of chips from her hoodie pocket and dug in.

“I thought you said we were about to eat lunch.”

“We are.” Sasha said, as if Mikasa was only stating the obvious.

-

Three days. It had been three long days of glorious, do-nothing fun. Mikasa was developing a tan. She had even taken a nap earlier that day, having been thoroughly exhausted from the day drinking, day beaching, night drinking, and night beaching. When they were not at the beach, they were up late at the house just messing around. Sasha, with the help of Ymir and Historia, had nearly made it through Sasha’s pot stash. This had also meant they were forced to drive to town to restock on food at one point. That had been fun, too, somehow.

Mikasa had certainly been to the beach before, but it was different then. She was different then. She was not sure what normal was supposed to be, but she thought maybe this was it if anything. And she had always wanted to feel normal. She thought back to an old memory of her therapist suggesting that she simply try “being herself.” At the time, she thought she had been being herself. After all, how can one not be one’s self? 

Mikasa thought she was beginning to truly understand.

She took off her sunglasses now that sunset was coming. It was their last night here and they were making the most of it. They had brought their cooler filled to the brim with snacks and alcohol. Tonight, Ymir had brought firewood. They were having a burning, she had declared. It would be a cleansing ceremony, to, as Ymir put it, “cleanse all the fucking bullshit that this year has been so far.”

Mikasa downed the remaining half of her beer and returned to the cooler. This time, she would mix something stronger. Once Ymir had announced this plan, and the requirement that the subject of cleansing must be spoken out loud, Mikasa knew what she was going to say. 

She had waited years to say it, in a way. Years and years of smothering it down and hiding her shame. Mikasa would not claim to be rid of it, because she did not know if she could ever be rid of it. But she felt compelled to release it outside of herself in some kind of way. Occasionally, over the past month, she had considered telling Sasha. The time never felt right, though. Not that it needed a ceremony to be said. Regardless, it still felt right to do it tonight. It also still felt scary as hell and she was not sure she could go through with it without some 80 proof assistance.

Ymir was working on starting the fire while Historia guarded her small flame from the sandy breeze. Sasha and Mikasa stood by the cooler, drinking, watching the sunset. Even Sasha seemed nervous as the sun went down and Mikasa wondered what she was going to say.

Slowly, but surely, the sun slid beneath the waves. 

“Shots?” Sashsa suggested, nervously. Everybody chimed in agreement. Forgoing glasses, they passed around a bottle of tequila and each took a drink.

“Ok, bitches, where are your secrets?” Ymir pulled out her own piece of paper from her swimsuit top. 

The fire was strong enough to hold its own against the wind, and therefore strong enough to now hold their solemn declarations. Every one of them was tipsy by now, nearly drunk. They stood around the flames and pulled out their pieces of paper. It felt supremely ridiculous and simultaneously amazing. Awkwardly, Sasha cleared her throat. She had always been the brave one, Mikasa thought.

“I used to be poor. Like, really poor. A lot of our food came from my dad hunting. I could never tell anyone because I was so embarrassed. And kids at school made fun of me for eating my food so fast. I just never knew if I was going to have to skip a meal. And that’s why I work so hard now. Because I don’t want to worry about it ever again.”

Sasha crumpled her paper into a teeny little ball and chucked it into the fire triumphantly, with a little “ha!” at the end. They had already agreed there would be no commenting on the confessions during the burning, and so only Sasha spoke next.

“You know what, Ymir? I do feel better. Now you.”

Ymir looked down at her paper for a long time. She threw her sheet into the fire before she spoke.

“My parents have disowned me for being gay. I talk about being gay so much because I could never tell my own parents. And now that I have told them, well…” She nodded, and turned to Historia, putting her hand gently on her back. That meant Mikasa would be last. Even though she was plenty buzzed, she was not sure she could do this. Her heart raced and her hands shook.

“I was sexually assaulted by a friend of my father’s when I was a little girl.” Historia spoke with resolve and gently released her slip of paper to float down to the fire. Mikasa got the feeling she had said this before. It was likely that Ymir had known and that was why she had her hand on her back. For support. Historia’s admission bolstered Mikasa. She was not alone and if Historia could do it, she could do it.

Everyone looked at her, waiting. She could not speak. It felt like her voice had been taken from her. She looked at Historia, who nodded gently. She had to. 

“I was kidnapped.” She swallowed hard, looking only at the fire now. She could stop here, she could say no more. This was already plenty of secret.

No. She was so close. 

“... and was touched by two men who followed me home from school. It would probably have been worse, but Eren had noticed me missing and begged a police officer to help him look for me. He… he saved my life. And I felt like I owed it ever since. And then my parents died.”

“Mikasa,” she heard Sasha breath out, stunned.

Mikasa thought that upon saying her worst lived experience she would feel better. She had thought that the weight of the words would dissipate as she watched the paper be consumed. Nothing had changed. And yet, everything had changed. She was here, now, and had said it out loud. It felt like she was winning a fight this time.

Looking around their funny little fire, she breathed out and felt lighter. She had proved something to herself. She was in charge of it; of herself.

“Fuck, Mikasa,” Ymir mumbled. 

Historia was the first to come hug her. She accepted it, and hugged her back tightly. Ymir hugged Sasha. They all hugged each other. It felt less like a hug and more like a victory huddle. 

And _that_ is when they got really drunk. The tequila bottle made it around the circle until it was empty and they were full. Mikasa’s feet were a step behind her as she chased Sasha down the beach, who had tagged her and started running for no reason at all. Ymir and Historia followed shortly, and they all ended up collapsed in the sand, laughing their asses off. 

She was not entirely sure how they got to the beach house with all their stuff, but she woke up next to an equally hungover Sasha. Her phone had gotten itself wedged between the bed and the side table and had just finished buzzing. This was the perpetrator that had woken them up. Her irritation was short lived. What she saw next had her bolted upright, trying to swoosh the damn touch screen unlocked as fast as possible.

_12 missed calls from Armin Arlert_


	9. Smart, but Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin is confronted by Reiner. Jean and Connie save Armin from himself. Is Mikasa teasing Armin?

“I shouldn’t have come.” Armin looked nervously at Jean and Connie. He had just gotten home that morning from the airport when Jean and Connie had roped him into going to a house party. At Bertolt’s house. Ok, it was not just his house, but he did live there.

“I thought you said it was ok with you two?” Jean looked suspiciously at Armin. 

“I mean, it’s not bad…”

“It’s too late to go home, we’re here now. Let’s just go get some drinks.” Connie led them straight to the bar.

_This is weird,_ thought Armin.

“You know, this is weird,” Connie said. Armin nearly stopped walking. Could everybody read his mind now? But, Connie finished his sentence.

“It’s just not the same without Sasha here.”

Jean snorted. “Are you sure you two aren’t madly in love?”

“Ugh, I wish! Then I would finally have a date. There’s just no spark there. We tried kissing once, actually.”

“What?” Jean and Armin exclaimed together.

“Yeah, like, in the beginning of college. We had been hanging out a few months and everyone kept making comments about us getting together. So, we said we really get along and we don’t have anybody, so we should just try it out.”

“And?” 

Connie shrugged. “Eh. Like I said, there was nothing. It was pretty awkward. We agreed to buy a house together if we have nobody when we’re old people, shook hands, and left it at that.”

_Lucky._ Armin tried to imagine kissing Mikasa and there being no spark. All he managed to do was bring a blush to his cheeks.

“You shook hands?” Jean reached out to open the door. “You two are so weird.”

This was the second party at which Armin went straight to the drinks. He did not run into a certain person nor friends of said certain person, fortunately, and was contemplating which corner to spend the rest of this night in. He would probably even go with Connie and Jean to the smoking room later, because undoubtedly they would be at some point. He did not enjoy pot, it made him too anxious, but at least he could hide in there and nurse his drink.

What he had not accounted for was being caught on the return trip of a bathroom break. 

“Arlert. Let’s talk.” Reiner was standing in a doorway to a bedroom off the hall. He took up most of the space in the frame, which made him even more intimidating. Armin had a brief flash back to being beat up.

_Don’t be ridiculous, it’s just Reiner._ Armin was not close with Reiner but he could not imagine him actually hurting someone. He did seem sort of teddy-bearish ninety percent of the time. 

Armin reluctantly followed Reiner into the room. The light was on and nobody else was there. It did not _seem suspicious._ This must be Pieck or Hitch’s room. 

“So, it didn’t work out with Mikasa?”

Armin started choking on his own spit. At some point he caught his breath.

“What?” Armin had expected Reiner to have found out what happened, but in no world had he thought Reiner would bring up Mikasa to him.

“I know for a fact that as of two weeks ago you hadn’t told Mikasa jack shit. So, I’m assuming that since then you have either made a move and it didn’t go well, or that you still haven’t done anything. I asked Ymir and she was confident that the two of you are still just friends.”

_Ymir._ He knew she was friends with Reiner. He could not really be mad. It was just that… did she know the entire situation or did she only know about him liking Mikasa?

“Why would I?” Armin cried out. “Why on earth would I tell Mikasa about it?”

“ _Because,_ ” Reiner pointed his finger, “If you’re not going to tell her how you feel, then you broke Bertolt’s heart for no good reason. And I can’t for one more second watch him sit around and wonder if he should or should not have broken things off with you.”

“But… why?” Armin looked at his toes. He did not understand. 

“A good question. Personally, I was really rooting for him to punch you or something.” Reiner was cooling off a little now. “No offense.”

“None taken.” _Bertolt really should have,_ Armin thought.

“Look, just… He really put himself out there. The least you could do is the same.”

Reiner left the room. He did not slam the door or stomp, just walked out. He had said what he had to say and was done talking to Armin, who had sat slumped on the edge of the bed. 

_I’m such a coward._

Armin had thought he was being brave when he kissed Bertolt. But, it was the opposite of brave. It was running away. He had not understood at the time what he was doing. In hindsight, it seemed crystal clear. He had enjoyed it, but it had not meant to him what it should have meant. If Bertolt had been playing around, it might have been different. But, Bertolt had told him himself that he had really liked him.

Armin stood and chugged his drink. He was going for another.

-

“Oh, no you don’t.” One second Armin was fumbling drunkenly with his phone and the next second it was out of his hands. Was that Jean? 

Armin was sure he had been dialing Mikasa. He had attempted to write a text at first, but he could barely read the screen much less type. He was laying on the couch at the apartment, that much he could tell. He was not sure how he got there. He could hear Jean and Connie more than he could see them.

Were they talking to someone else?

“Hey, Mikasa.” A pause. “No, I know, it’s really late. Well, early.” Another pause. “No, everything’s ok, Armin’s just really trashed.”

 _Mikasa._ Armin reached out for the phone. There was nothing. Somebody pushed his hand back down to the couch.

“Woah, there. I don’t think so, Armin.” Connie?

“Yeah. Yeah.” Armin saw Jean nodding. It was all very fuzzy. “Yeah, we’ll stay here with him. Yes, of course we gave him a bucket. Don’t worry, Mikasa, it’s all under control. Mmhm.” 

Armin thought he saw Jean hand something to Connie and say, “You’re on phone duty,” before he passed out.

-

Armin woke up, miraculously in his bed. His head pounded. Oh, god, he was going to puke. Searching around him in a desperate haze, he found the mop bucket next to his bed. 

_Fuck. What happened?_

He slowly sat up, looking around for clues. Ymir was here? No, wait, was that Jean? His phone was nowhere to be seen and he hoped he had not lost it. He crawled out of bed, taking the bucket to the bathroom. At this point his stomach had another appointment with the toilet bowl. 

He rinsed his face and cleaned his mess before shakily climbing into a warm shower. His mind was strangely blank and all he could do was plan out making the coffee. He got dressed into sweats and a t-shirt, and stumbled out to the living room. Destination: kitchen.

Connie sat at the kitchen table, a hot mug of coffee already in front of him, with a newspaper obscuring his face. He was probably just reading the comics and Armin would be willing to bet he had been planning this exact moment. His suspicions were shortly confirmed when Connie spoke.

“Good morning, young man. Late night?” The newspaper crackled as Connie set it on the table. His eyes gleamed and he smirked openly at Armin. Armin groaned.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” Armin had one head on his forehead. “Is there more coffee?”

“Sure is, sport.” Connie was almost laughing at his own joke.

Armin somehow managed to end up at the table with a full cup of coffee.

“Your mother and I are very disappointed. But, I think we can trust you enough to give you back your phone.” Now Connie did laugh. How long had it taken him to come up with this? Armin watched him slide the phone in question across the table. 

“You took my phone,” Armin asked, picking it up.

“Thank us later,” Jean said, making his way across the living room. “Or, thank us now.”

“Thanks?” Armin unlocked the phone. Nothing seemed amiss. Did he call somebody?

A few memories flooded back in.

“Oh, no.” He stared at the screen. Did he dare open his call log? 

“Oh, yes.” Connie said, back behind the newspaper.

“Connie, do you even read the news?” Jean sat down with his own coffee.

“Not really. I picked this up this morning. Excellent prop. But I might as well enjoy the comics while I’m here.”

Armin opened the log. 13 outgoing calls, all to Mikasa Ackerman. He thrust the phone face down on the table, as if that would make it go away.

Connie peered at him over the paper. Jean was just scrolling his phone.

Armin winced. “What did I say last night?”

“To who? Us, or Mikasa?” Jean spoke but did not look up from his phone. Armin swallowed.

“Uh, both?”

“Fortunately for you, nothing to Mikasa. Unfortunately for you, everything to us.”

“Everything?”

“It was kinda slurred, but we gathered something about a blow-job, Bertolt, oh and, what was it, Jean?” Connie was enjoying this too much.

“Mikasa,” supplied Jean.

“Oh yes, that’s right. That you’re totally hot for Mikasa. Sucks to suck.” Connie paused. “No pun intended.”

If Armin had not been so hungover, he might have felt worse. He mostly felt depressed at the moment and stared at the table.

“C’mon, I’m just messing with you. We all do stupid shit sometimes, it’s no big deal.” 

It made Armin feel slightly better to hear Connie make light of it. He had been telling himself for weeks what a terrible person he was and it was nice to know his friends did not hate him for it.

Jean nodded. “Just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you’re not dumb.”

“Deep, Jean.” Jean batted the newspaper out of Connie’s hands, who just laughed at him.

“I’ve been a lot more dumb than I have smart.” Armin sighed.

“Armin, stop feeling so bad for yourself.” Jean looked at him seriously. 

Connie rolled his eyes. “Seriously, dude, just tell her you like her. What’s she going to do? Say no?” 

Armin’s heart panged. “Maybe.”

“She said no to me and I survived.” Jean set his phone down. “And for what it’s worth, I don’t think she’s going to say no to you.”

“Yeah, if she rejects you then you’ll just have to get over it.”

“What if she doesn’t want to talk to me again?”

“Do you really believe that? After being friends this whole time do you really think she’s going to ditch you?” Jean was getting frustrated. “First Eren, and now you. You know, if I had a chance with her I would have taken it.”

“You think I have a chance?” Armin’s spirits lifted a little bit. Jean rolled his eyes and shook his head. Back to his phone.

“Like, yeah, man.” Connie was not even joking now.

Armin said no more. He was going to go lie down before the coffee he drank came back up. He took the bucket just in case. 

He woke up that evening to the sounds of typing. Ymir must be back. He stirred and opened his eyes.

“Good morning. I heard you had quite the night last night.” Ymir stopped typing to look at him.

“What exactly did you hear?”

“Only that you woke Sasha and Mikasa up around 5 AM this morning with your drunk calling.”

He propped himself up. Ymir took in his disheveled hair and the bucket by the bed.

“You look awful.”

Armin frowned. He probably did look awful. But then he looked over Ymir.

“You don’t look so great yourself.”

“We had a late night, too. We just got back and the only reason I’m not asleep right now is because I didn’t finish this paper that’s due at midnight. Honestly, what kind of sadist assigns a deadline at the end of Spring Break?”

Armin sat up, his stomach growling. Knowing that Mikasa was back in the apartment made him hesitate to go into the kitchen. Maybe he would go out to eat. He went to the bathroom to change his clothes and attempted to make it look like he was not still hungover. 

He had hoped that Mikasa would be in her room, but he had no such luck. She was lounged out on the couch, lazily watching TV and nursing a bottle of water. She looked at him the moment he stepped into the room.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey.”

“Are you going somewhere?” She sat up and turned off the TV.

Busted.

“I was going to go get something to eat.”

“Oh. Care if I come? I’m starving.”

He could not really say no, could he? He wanted her to come but he also did not. If she asked about the phone calls, would he tell her the truth? 

“Sure,” he tried to sound casual, “company would be nice.”

Mikasa stood up slowly, stretching her arms above her head. She looked so good. He did not even try to deny it inside his head.

They walked to a restaurant near their apartment. It was technically off campus and so was still open on a Sunday evening. Armin was scanning the menu when Mikasa said,

“When I saw all your missed calls, I thought something had happened back home.”

 _Oh._ Armin had been so engrossed in worrying about whether Mikasa had figured him out that he had not stopped to consider what the other possibilities were in her mind.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“It’s ok. How are you feeling?”

“Better now that I’ve slept. What about you? Ymir said that you stayed up pretty late, too.”

“Oh, yeah.” Mikasa chuckled and smiled, looking down.

“Good night?”

“Surprisingly, yes. What about you?”

She really must have no idea. It made Armin relieved but also anxious. If she really did not know, then he could wait to tell her.

“It was… eventful.”

Mikasa was about to ask him more, but instead her eyes went to the door of the restaurant. Her expression shifted and she looked nervously at Armin. He had been sitting with his back to the door, so he turned in his chair to see who it was. 

Bertolt. With somebody else. Bertolt smiled softly at him, and then looked at Mikasa, a question on his face. Armin could only stare. He thought back to the conversation with Reiner. 

“Oh.” Mikasa breathed. 

Bertolt had taken the hand of the young man he was with, and they walked together to a table in a different section of the restaurant. This made Armin glad, honestly. But he also had another jab of guilt. He knew what Reiner had said had been right. And the smile that Bertolt had given him…

“It’s ok, really. I’m happy for him.”

“Are you sure, Armin?”

“Really.” He smiled. Mikasa looked suspicious still. She had always been a little protective.

“You would think he wouldn’t have grabbed his hand in front of you, though.”

He turned to Mikasa abruptly. “It was my fault.” He could not bear the thought of Mikasa blaming Bertolt when he was the one who had messed it up.

“Your fault?” Mikasa was shocked.

Armin’s heart rate spiked. This was not what he had imagined.

“I messed up.”

“How bad could it be, Armin? I’m sure you didn’t do anything that bad.”

He had already screwed up enough, and he needed her to know that it was not Bertolt’s fault. She was still on Armin’s side, but she did not know. The words fell out.

“We were, um, doing stuff... and I said someone else’s name.”

“No.” She sat up straight, examining him. “Are you serious?”

Armin nodded miserably.

“What were you doing?”

Armin’s blush started creeping all the way into his ears.

“Oh.” Her voice dropped.

“No, not that!” He scrambled, thoroughly embarrassed. As bad as everything was, he did not want Mikasa to think that he and Bertolt had had sex. “I mean, yes, but we were only messing around.” It had not come out quite right, but he thought she knew what he meant and could not bear to clarify further.

She sat back and nodded, staring into her menu. She looked uncomfortable. And then she looked like she had realized something. 

“Wait...” she said quietly.

His body felt numb and he could not move. She knew something. Armin did not know what exactly, but she had just figured something out.

“Armin…” she took a long pause and breathed in, “Who?”

He could not speak. Time was frozen and so was he. The chatter in the restaurant was all he could hear besides his heart beat. Armin stared into Mikasa’s eyes, but could not will any words to come.

 _You._ Was all he thought. It repeated in his mind. He could think of nothing else. He could see nothing else; only her eyes, searching his. She was studying his face and he knew that she knew when her eyes widened a little further.

They must have sat like that forever. Or maybe only a minute. What was the difference? Armin’s gaze was pulled away by Bertolt, walking towards the restrooms. Once again, they made eye contact. Armin still had not moved. Bertolt looked at Mikasa, who looked at him. He did not smile or frown, just paused. 

An invisible conversation was happening. Mikasa looked at Bertolt, lips slightly parted, slowly blinked, and looked back at Armin. Bertolt looked at Armin one last time, before the corners of his lips tugged upwards in a sad smile. Bertolt walked away.

“Forget I asked.” Mikasa said softly. She leaned over her menu once again. “I think I’ll just have a salad. You?”

The rest of dinner was awkward, but they fell into a friendly rhythm. Mikasa did not ask any more about the situation, and he did not volunteer any information. He was not sure what this meant. As tempted as he was to just ask, he was too scared to know the answer.

 _Coward._ Armin thought. But it did not make him speak up.

As they walked home, he thought Mikasa brushed his arm with hers a few times, walking more close than usual. Was he imagining things?

-

Over the coming weeks, it was much of the same.

At one point, Armin thought he and Mikasa might actually be flirting. They had been studying for finals together more frequently. Armin was not bold enough to say anything out right, but he found himself sitting closer to her, trying to find out at what point she would move away. He had made it to where their arms were touching during study session regularly. She made no effort to change positions. In fact, sometimes it seemed like she was the one who came to sit close to him. 

He was particularly replaying in his mind the time he had been studying on the couch and Mikasa had come to read beside him. She had crossed her legs and let one knee fall partially on top of his thigh. She had glanced over at him, caught his eye, and then went back to her book. His book. It had almost looked as if she were daring him to say something. He thought she had almost been smirking.

However, as final projects were due and tests were looming, he began to see very little of anyone. It was the end of the semester and everyone in their apartment spent most of their time outside of class holed away at their bedroom desks. Mikasa and Sasha were probably studying together, but they shared a lot of courses. Armin found himself consumed between studying, class, and lab work. Free time and flirting felt years away.

But, before he knew it, he was stepping into the sweet, hot, summer sun. His last final had come and gone. Confident that his grades and scholarship were secure, Armin stretched his arms above his head and let the sun soak into his overly air-conditioned skin. 

His phone rang.

“Hey, Connie.”

“Hey, man. Are you ready to show the girls that we can beat them at their beach game? Hurry up and get here, so we can leave.”

Connie was talking about the fact that during the girls’ beach retreat, Sasha had been constantly sending him photos of all of their fun. She had taunted him, saying there was no way Connie or any of the boys could beat their trip.

Connie had loudly declared that he, Jean, and Armin would plan a beach week to end all beach weeks and that Sasha, Mikasa, Ymir and Historia were welcome to come and behold such a party. Armin was pretty sure that Sasha had known, and envisioned, that this would be the outcome of her taunts.

Admittedly, Connie had done almost all of the planning while he and Jean tied up loose ends and did the boring stuff, such as actually booking the beach house. Armin had, however, convinced Eren to come, via letter. Eren had just completed Basic Training and was home on leave. He would fly in to meet them for a few days before returning for further training.

As he walked back to the apartment to pack, Armin felt light in his heart and ready for a week in the sun.


	10. Beach 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s hot, it’s sticky, and it’s finally summer.

Sasha and Historia giggled. Ymir was smirking. Mikasa even smiled. Sasha had been recounting Armin’s reaction to Mikasa leaning across his lap to look out the car window on the ride down.

Giggling dying down, Historia said, “Mikasa, why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

Mikasa has thought about this herself. Why not simply tell Armin? It was not because she was afraid of rejection this time. She was very confident that he very much liked her.

“I think… two reasons. One, is that it has actually been sort of fun. Two, since finals, there hasn’t been a good time. Ok, three reasons. And three, I’m a little annoyed that he hasn’t made a move considering all that’s happened.”

“See, my point still stands.” Ymir was helping Historia tie her swim top.

“What point?” Historia twisted her head to try to look at Ymir.

“Men are dumb.” Historia rolled her eyes and Sasha laughed. Mikasa only shook her head. 

“Should’ve known.” Sasha put her hair in a ponytail and turned around from the little desk in the room. “Honestly, Mika, I’m amazed it’s taken this long.”

Mikasa was also surprised. She had thought after the couch incident he might say something. She hoped that something would finally happen on this trip. She had a feeling it might.

Ever since their dinner, where the pieces had clicked into place for Mikasa, she knew what she wanted to do. Mikasa wanted to be with Armin Arlert and she was pretty sure he wanted to be with her, too. But, Armin was being, well, him about it. 

Mikasa wanted to come home with Armin to stay with him and Mr. Arlert at Thanksgiving, and not stay in the guest room. She wanted to hold Armin’s hand and walk to the Yeagers together. She wanted to push him against a wall and watch the blush creep up his ears…

 _Woah, there._ Mikasa needed to calm down. 

Speaking of the Yeagers, what was Eren going to think? He had changed a lot in the last six months and would be coming to join them, friends again, at the beach house. The same beach house in which Mikasa intended on cornering Armin into making a decision if it came to it.

“Honestly, Mikasa, if your killer bod doesn’t make him tackle you I’m going to be kinda disappointed.” Historia sighed and poked at herself in the mirror. “I wish I had your butt.”

Sasha groaned. “Oh shut the fuck up, Historia, anyone would kill to look like you. Besides, it’s what’s _inside_ Mikasa that counts to Armin.” 

“I bet he’d like that.” Ymir intoned suggestively. 

Mikasa’s face burned red hot. “Oh my god, Ymir,” she mumbled, swooping up her short hair into a short ponytail. As usual, Sasha was laughing.

“Shall we?” Historia grabbed her towel and opened the door. The others followed as she led them down the steps.

Jean and Armin were lounging around the front room while Connie busied himself putting away the last of the groceries. 

“Oh good, you’re ready. Mikasa can you please help carry the cooler down?” Connie motioned to the cooler waiting by the front door. 

“Hey, you could’ve asked me,” Jean whined.

“Chill, Jean. We both know Mikasa is strong as hell. You can carry the supply bag.” Jean huffed at this but got up to grab the bag. 

Armin had said nothing, only staring at Mikasa. 

“Whatcha looking at?” Ymir said to him. 

Armin looked away fast. “N-nothing,” he said. 

“Uh-huh.” Ymir smirked. 

Armin blushed and pretended to be concentrating on his phone. Mikasa knew he was pretending because she knew what he looked like when he was actually focused on something. Everyone began gathering up the stuff for the walk to the beach. As Mikasa opened the door to roll the cooler out, she heard Connie.

“C’mon, Armin, let’s go.”

“Uh, one second.” Armin said sheepishly, still on the couch. 

Mikasa wondered what that was about, but had a job to do. She took the cooler down the steps and set it down. She could see the beach through the stilts of the house across the street. She smiled, enjoying the breeze and the smell. Beach. 

Once everyone had caught up, she commenced with the cooler, leading their way to the shore. It was a loud procession, the volume made up mostly of Connie and Sasha joking around. Ymir and Historia were chatting in the back of the group. Armin and Jean were behind her, but said nothing. She thought she heard Jean mutter something under his breath, but she ignored it.

A spot now secured for the group, Mikasa unfurled a towel. It was still early enough that the sun was not too hot. A perfect time for sunning. She was meticulously spreading sunscreen across her skin, making sure to rub out any smears. About to finish her application, she heard a dull thud and Connie guffaw. 

She looked down their line of chairs to see Armin, in the sand. His camp-style folding chair had fallen backwards, dumping him to the ground. Had he been leaning back or something?

Jean looked her way, mischief on his face. He said to Armin, “You know, if you just scooted your chair back, you could get a better view.” 

Connie and Ymir teased Armin a little while, but eventually settled themselves.

 _A better view of what?_ Mikasa wondered. Maybe something had happened down the beach. She went to lay down on her towel, ready to relax. As she lay on her stomach, she turned her head to the side facing down the row of friends. 

_Oh._

She met Armin’s gaze. His chair and he were upright again, but it was about a foot out of line. This gave him a direct line of sight to Mikasa.

He looked away immediately, but she did not. Instead, she kept watching him. What was he going to do, catch her watching him? Good. 

Armin pulled out a book from a small bag beside him. Mikasa could tell he was not really reading. Armin’s eyes slowly but surely travelled towards her and his head turned slightly. He was trying to be sneaky. 

However, Mikasa was waiting. They locked eyes again and she smiled knowingly. This time, he did not look away. He smiled sheepishly, then returned to his book. Now, he was actually reading. 

She spent a fair amount of time on her towel in the sun, flipping every now and again. Sasha and Connie bantered and smoked. Jean had moved to a towel to sun as well. Historia and Ymir had opened a bottle of wine. It was getting hot.

Mikasa got up, feeling her skin was getting a little too warm. She applied a new, thorough, layer of sunscreen and walked straight into the water. The cool waves lapped at her ankles. She shivered as they got up to her thighs. Soon, it was up to her chest and she had to hop a little to avoid a faceful of saltwater every time a wave came along. 

Sasha came into the water next, running until the water forced her to power walk. She was yelling and whooping with Connie, who ran after her. Soon, everyone was in the water, splashing each other and jumping into the waves like little kids. 

Mikasa dove into the next wave. For a moment, she could feel the ocean floor. Sudden, the water shoved her against someone. She splashed up out of the water, but could not see yet. She had come up next to whoever it was. She had to grab their shoulder to keep from being pulled off her feet by the next wave. 

She sputtered and wiped the water away from her eyes. She was holding on to Armin, his hair wet and shining in the sun. His eyes were wide and he might have smiled if he did not look so stunned. 

Mikasa laughed and pushed him, trying to knock him into the water. He grabbed her arm instinctively and pulled them both down. They tumbled down, Mikasa on top. The water pushed them apart. She found her footing and rose from the water, which was now only thigh-high. 

She laughed and wiped water out of her face. Armin had _that_ look on his face, again. It was that look that Mikasa had now figured out. They were standing, staring at each other. Armin was sloshing through the waves towards her, a look of determination on his face. Was he going to kiss her? Her heart raced. He was getting closer. 

And then he lunged. She closed her eyes just in time to feel herself getting pushed down beneath Armin’s weight. He had tackled her into the water, his arms around her waist. They play-wrestled for just a moment before Mikasa gained the upper hand. She was on top now, wherever top was, legs wrapped around his waist. She used the advantage to dunk him back into the water before pushing herself off him. 

Armin resurfaced a few feet away, where the water was slightly deeper. He wiped his face and grinned impishly at her. He was ready to play. 

-

The evening was coming to a head and Mikasa could feel it. And so, after a day of sun, drinking, and outright flirtation, she found herself in Armin’s room. Book posed in front of her face, she reviewed the circumstances.

Eren and Armin would be sharing this room, but Eren would not be there until the next day. Historia and Ymir were on the deck, last she saw. Sasha, Connie, and Jean had put on a movie. Armin was currently showering in the bathroom down the hall. She had also figured out that Armin gave her _the_ look when it came to her reading his books.

Knowing this, once she had showered and changed, she had not gone downstairs. Instead, she was now positioned on the bed in Armin’s room. Not seductively, just there, yet unavoidable. Waiting, with her prop. Waiting to see. 

She closed her eyes and thought about the events in the day. She kept replaying in her mind wrestling Armin in the water. She touched her waist where he had grabbed her. Through her shirt, she could feel her skin was warm from the sun.

Her pulse quickened when she heard a door down the hall open and close. 

Armin was humming softly to himself when he entered the room. He was so focused on depositing his dirty clothes into a nearby hamper that he had not noticed her yet. 

She fought back a smile. His hair was still dripping and getting his T-shirt wet. Though not long, it was not short hair either. Time slowed as Armin turned towards the bed. 

He froze. He was staring openly with those big, blue eyes. She said nothing, only looked at him from over the pages. Watching. Waiting. He cleared his throat and spoke at last.

“You’re doing this on purpose.” 

There was no pretense anymore. He had blurted it out, unable to filter his thoughts. That was how she knew she had truly caught him off guard.

“And if I was?” She had no smirk left on her face, only anticipation. Her heart pounded. This was it. There was no turning back. Armin stood for a moment, hands on his hips and studying the floor. He was thinking. 

When he looked at her again, there was only resolve.

He walked slowly around the side of the bed to where she was sitting. Her breath was shallow and her chest tightened. He gently lifted the unread material from her hands and set it on the nightstand. His hands reached for her face. 

Mikasa closed her eyes and his lips were on hers. It was soft, but it was sure. She slid her fingers into his damp hair and pulled him closer before he could pull away. She felt the bed dip as he leaned one knee onto the edge. 

She felt like she was on fire. This was better than she had thought. She slid her legs out from under her and laid back, taking Armin with her. He laid half on top of her, one arm wrapped around her and one hand in her hair. He deepened the kiss and their tongues met. They both moaned and kissed harder. 

Her stomach did flips and she could hardly breathe. Sure, she had been pushing for this. But, now that she was here, beneath her best friend, it was hard to think straight. She stopped trying to.

He shifted to be next to her on the bed. She was on her side, facing him, kissing him passionately. She leaned into his body and he rolled onto his back. Now she was laying against him, and their kisses started to slow. Deep and slow, they clung to each other. Slowly, they parted. Feeling shy suddenly, she lay her head between his shoulder and his chest. She could hear his heartbeat. 

“Mikasa…” He sighed, nuzzling her hair.

It was completely inappropriate, but she could not stop herself from laughing. She sat up, and looked down at him.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Armin’s features were full of concern and confusion.

“No,” she chuckled, “I just.. I’m sorry, I just thought about… Well, I’m really glad you said _my_ name.” 

Armin groaned and put his hand over his eyes, blush creeping up. Mikasa rolled her eyes and pulled his hand away. His eyes were still shut. She felt a little bad for bringing it up.

“Sorry, that was mean of me.” She sighed and Armin squinted one eye open to peek at her. She dove down to kiss his lips right as he opened them to say something. All that came out was a resounding “Mmmnh.” He relaxed back into the pillows, arms around her, pulling her on top of him. 

Mikasa gasped into his mouth. Beneath her thigh she could feel his erection. 

_Armin._

Mikasa wanted to make him moan again. She rolled her hips, applying more pressure with her thigh. He broke the kiss and let out a loud gasp. His hands were on her hips and his head pressed back into the pillows. Not enough.

She had something up her sleeve to try. It had been a suggestion from Sasha, who claimed it to be very effective. Leaning down, Mikasa kissed Armin’s collarbone, near his neck. His breath caught and his hands tightened. She added tongue, gently grazing his skin with her teeth. 

Armin moaned loudly into her ear, pitch rising at the end. He lifted his hips and pushed himself desperately against her thigh. She smiled, lips still touching his warm skin. Victory.

“Armin? Mikasa?”

They stilled. It was too late to even try to hide what was going on. Mikasa slowly turned, lowering herself to Armin’s side. Was that…?

Eren stood in the doorway, dumbstruck. Mikasa heard Sasha coming down the hallway, talking loudly.

“Eren, wait, maybe you can help me with something downstairs! There’s -” Sasha arrived next to Eren and stopped talking as soon as she looked into the room. She always seemed to be either too late or too early when it came to interruptions.

Mikasa did not think it was possible to turn this red, but she could feel her whole face consumed by heat. 

“Wow.” Eren looked between them, having found speech once again. “Sorry. I’m Sorry!” 

Eren slammed the door. They heard a muffled “Sorry!” from the other side. As their voices faded away from the door, Mikasa heard Sasha say to Eren, “Well, I think you definitely surprised them.”

Mikasa slowly turned to look at Armin. His arm was still around her, but he was staring at the door. She softly placed her hand on his cheek and turned him to face her. He blinked, eyes soft, and said,

“I guess at least we won’t have to tell him.” She smiled.

“That’s one way to look at it. On the other hand, at some point we’re going to have to leave this room.”

“I don’t like that.”

“Me either. Armin?”

“Hmm?” 

“What are we going to tell them?” 

Mikasa meant the question literally, but she was also asking another question. What were they? And what would they say to everybody else about what that was?

Armin sighed and said softly, “I guess... I’m really hoping this means that we’ll be together.”

Mikasa’s heart leapt at the open admission. She felt high and floaty. She must have been spacing out because Armin nudged her and said,

“What about you?”

She thought her answer was pretty obvious. For the sake of confirmation, she said, “Me, too.”

His eyes closed and he craned his neck up to kiss her again. She leaned back down with him, back into the kiss. After they parted, Armin pushed his hand into his bangs and groaned.

“What?”

“At some point we’re going to have to go down there.” He groaned again. “Connie and Jean will never let me live this down. And, who knows what the hell Eren is going to say.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Mikasa was also dreading the inevitable teasing to come. “Although, Eren didn’t seem upset. So, that’s good, right?”

“Oh. No, he didn’t, did he?” 

They sat together, pondering it for a moment. Armin nuzzled his face against hers and whispered,

“But, we don’t have to go downstairs yet.”

“No,” she whispered back. 

Mikasa felt Armin’s tongue back in her mouth as he pushed her into the mattress. Armin was heavy on top of her and she never wanted it to end. She pushed her hips into his and found his erection once again. 

To her pleasant surprise, when he pushed himself back against her, it applied pressure in just the right place. Half rubbing, half pressing, they moved back and forth. She slid her hands up his back, underneath his shirt. One leg wrapped around him. She met every thrust with her own roll of the hips, leaving no space between their bodies. They were picking up speed, but suddenly Armin slowed.

They were panting. Mikasa pushed herself against him one last time, enjoying the fuzzy pleasure. When she saw that he was not going to resume, she was a little disappointed. He was still on top of her, but had stilled.

“Is everything ok?” 

He nodded. “It, uh,” he cleared his throat, “it was, um, really good.”

“Did…?” Mikasa did not think she needed to finish the question.

“Oh! No, it’s not that. Although…” Armin trailed off, blushing. He did not finish that thought. “We should probably go downstairs soon. I’m sure Sasha is already telling everyone that we’re up here having sex.”

Mikasa sighed and knew that he was right. At the mention of sex, though, she couldn’t help but ask.

“And would we?”

“Wh-what?” Armin glanced at her. Mikasa went on.

“I meant, do you want to?”

“....Now?” Armin asked, almost incredulous.

“No, not now, silly. We’re already in for it as it is. I meant, you know, later. Another time. I don’t know, whenever it feels right?” She was embarrassed that she asked, but wanted to know.

Breathless, he whispered, “Yes.” 

Then, he rolled off of her and sat at the edge of the bed. She got up, stretched, and started smoothing down her hair. 

“I need to change.” He said.

“Why?” She asked, combing her fingers through her hair.

Armin stood up, turned around, and motioned to his erection. It was tenting his sweatpants. He started fishing through his suitcase and dug out a pair of normal shorts. Mikasa was still fixing her hair, still watching. He began to slide his pants down before he remembered that he had company. His eyes snapped to her, those gears in motion. 

Mikasa was about to point out that they were now together, and she would not mind at all to see him in his boxers. He must have come to a similar conclusion about the situation, and slowly removed his pants. He glanced at her, but she was staring elsewhere.

Through the slit in his boxers she glimpsed skin, but she did not want to look away. 

“Mikasa, are you staring at me?”

She looked back up to his face.

“Can’t I?” 

Armin smiled, “Yeah, I guess so. Doesn’t seem fair, though. You’re very clothed.”

She smiled back. Her earlier confidence returned to her and she wanted to have one last moment of fun before they had to leave the safety of the bedroom. She pulled off her shirt and tossed it at Armin’s face. He caught it, genuine shock on his face. His eyes drifted to her breasts and he sucked in his breath. 

“You are _not_ helping the situation.” He finished sliding on his shorts and threw her shirt back. She grinned widely, putting it back on. 

Taking a deep breath, Armin opened the door and stepped into the hall. Nobody, yet. They began walking towards the stairs. She stopped him and pushed him against the wall.

“Hey-” he began, before she had cut him off with a long, hard kiss. She could check this one off her Armin daydream list.

Armin’s hands were on her immediately. She pushed her body against his, eliciting one small moan. She abruptly stepped back and headed for the stairs. At the top, she turned around. Armin was still leaning against the wall. 

He looked at her and muttered, “That’s not fair.”

Slowly, he pushed himself off the wall. He sighed and began the descent down the stairs. She let him go ahead of her, hoping he might act as a human emotional shield.

Mikasa and Armin stepped into the living room, ready for whatever cacophony their friends would unleash. However, there was nobody there except Eren. He stood, hands in his pockets, looking at them both. Armin was the first to speak.

“Hi, Eren.” 

“Armin,” Eren said, striding forward and pulling Armin into a hug. “Mikasa,” and hugged her tightly. He stepped back. 

“I've always kinda thought… you two.” He glanced between them. 

“You’re not upset, then,” Mikasa asked. 

“No. Actually, you know what? I’m really happy.”

“So, what are you doing here? We thought you were coming tomorrow.” 

“Oh, yeah, well I was trying to surprise you.”

“It was definitely a surprise,” Armin said, blushing. Eren laughed and put his arm around their shoulders. It felt like old times.

“How long have you two been together?”

“Umm…” Armin hesitated. Mikasa was honest.

“About a half an hour.” Eren pulled away, looking guilty.

“Oh _shit._ I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to cockblock you.”

“Eren!” Mikasa and Armin said together. He was as Eren as ever. No filter. 

Eren’s blessing bolstered their spirits as they walked out to the crowded deck. Sasha, being Sasha, yelled out,

“Hell yeah, Mika!” She raised her glass in Mikasa’s direction. 

Her and Armin awkwardly reassimilated into the group, standing next to each other. Armin even put his arm around her waist, pulling her close. This earned them an unwanted “aww” from Historia, but they did not mind. It was worth it. The sun was setting and Mikasa leaned into Armin.

“Ok, ladies!” Connie called out. “It’s only been one night, but I believe we can already declare this the superior trip!”

“As if!” Sasha pushed Connie playfully. Ymir scoffed and Historia said,

“Not even close.” 

They turned to Mikasa, waiting for agreement. 

“Hmm, I’m going to have to say…” She paused for a rare moment of dramatic effect. 

“... that you’ve got nothing on our trip.”

Connie groaned and Jean rolled his eyes. Sasha stuck her face into Connie’s with a loud “ha!” Armin wrapped his other arm around Mikasa and pulled her in closer. Her throat tightened. He whispered into her ear.

“Surely, you don’t mean that?”

“I might,” she whispered back, “it was a pretty good trip.”

“Well, there are four days left here. You might change your mind.” He nuzzled his nose into her hair and she felt she could melt.

The sun was falling beneath the horizon. Their friends were passing around drinks and snacks. Mikasa thought back to the bonfire fondly. Then, she thought about the potential of four days at the beach, newly coupled with Armin. 

Twisting slightly to position her lips even closer to his ear, Mikasa felt him shudder when she whispered her dare.

“I’d like to see you try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone and everyone who has taken the time to read this! I hope you have enjoyed it.
> 
> This was my first fic and I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope to improve my writing and would love any feedback.
> 
> I may continue this particular story as a series, because I really have enjoyed it. I also think that I want to explore the development of their relationship and how they will approach young adulthood together.


End file.
